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August 17, 2016

Hammers of Misfortune – Dead Revolution

Junkhead Josh General, junkhead, reviews 0 Comments

Hammers of Misfortune – Dead Revolution

Decades and albums later, Hammers of Misfortune still sound like they’re trying to nail a sound down. It sounded like they were on the brink of a stylistic breakthrough with their previous album, 2011’s wacky prog-metal/folk/whatever 17th Street. Every track had a unique sound that still lent itself to a cohesive style, an approach that Dead Revolution drops without any fanfare.

While the organs and crazy harmony antics are still there, they’re buried under a much more traditional classic metal facade. Of course, this isn’t a bad thing at all: “The Velvet Inquisition”, “Dead Revolution”, and “Flying Alone” are all great tracks. Fast, infused almost purely with a NWOBHM focus on tight speed, melody, and rhythm, newcomers to the band will instantly fall in love.

But honestly, old fans SHOULD be disappointed. While partially a return to the more conventional metal styling of some earlier releases, it’s a cheap ploy for metalhead appeal. 17th Street had a lot of bad songs, but they were all over the place: it was a cool and weird combination of Iron Maiden, Queen, Pink Floyd, and everything in between. Even the longer tracks like “The Precipice” and “Here Comes The Sky” stick very close to traditional metal. Now almost purely Maiden style, the band probably uncovered that’s it’s just easier to make straight ahead metal not suck and sacrificed their sprawling sound out of pure laziness.

As if to make up for how awesome and not progressive the first six tracks are, the last track is a ridiculous rendition of the folk song “Days of ’49”. It’s slow, stupid, and Bob Dylan’s version sucked too.

Last track excluded, go listen to Dead Revolution and enjoy the tasty riffs and great harmonies. I’m going to go sit in a corner and whine about how too many bands are defaulting on NWOBHM stylings and not even trying to come up with anything new.

B-

August 15, 2016

Chemical X – You’ll Never Ban Rock ‘n’ Roll

Junkhead Josh General, junkhead, reviews 0 Comments

Chemical X – You’ll Never Ban Rock ‘n’ Roll

I woke up this morning desiring two things: listening to the Dwarves Blood Guts and Pussy and finally trying out Crystal Pepsi. Unfortunately, I live in a town largely untouched by crass commercial enterprises. There’s more strange foreign export sodas here than you’ll ever know, with Polish strawberry junk and different types of Vimto being my primary sustenance.

Without Crystal Pepsi, I decided to eschew the Dwarves and find some new music to crap about on Blah Blah Music dot com™.A little too rockin’ to be Oi! punk and too hardcore to be filed safely under pop-punk, Chemical X is everything I love about punk: fast, hooky, and occasionally telling me to suck its dick. The opener “Cry Baby” embodies this approach, and they even a throw in a cool meedly-meedly solo just to be more awesome. While I’m not sure why they’re concerned with people banning rock ‘n’ roll in the mid-2010s, the sentiments all there baby.

This heightened energy and songcraft returns later on tracks like “Religious Control” and “Freaks Unite”, yet there’s a lot more generic stuff in between. “Are You Stupid?” has been written and performed eight million times done better by other bands. Playing hardcore back in high school, I already know how it goes: you write the guitar riffs first and the vocal melodies are a total afterthought. An approach as old as Ozzy on “Iron Man”, the vocalist apes the power chord’s pitch the entire time.

But still, who gives a shit? It’s all inconsequential when the actual result is an awesome blur of chords and gang vocals. I’d play a show with them.

B-

August 6, 2016

Misfits – Friday the 13th EP

Junkhead Josh General, junkhead, reviews 0 Comments

Misfits – Friday the 13th EP

After decades of suckitude, the Misfits are finally going to reunite with original singer Danzig. Still, the bastard ’90s Misfits, whose only surviving original member is bassist Jerry Only, capitalized on this announcement by releasing the Friday the 13th EP in June. I didn’t even realize it came out; there seems to have been no promotion for the release. Still, after their mostly garbage track record over the past twenty plus years, it’s more than likely that everyone’s given up on the ’90s Misfits.

So imagine how stupid you feel when it doesn’t suck at all. Or maybe you’ll consider how stupid Jerry Only’s posse is. Couldn’t they have released music like this the entire time? Why bother with all the metal posturing and barely written songs when this betters 99% of today’s punk?

The title track opens with a garbage intro that drags on way too long before it bursts into pitch perfect horror punk. With an infectious chorus that’s as dumb as it is memorable (“BEWAAAAAARE / BEWAAAAARE / FRIDAAAAAAY THE THIRRRRTEEEENTH”), it’s like Jerry Only recently discovered how to write a hook. “Nightmare on Elm Street” is even better, repeating the song’s title over and over while adding in woo-oos to great effect. I’m not sure what film “Laser Eye” is referencing, but it’s easily the best song here based solely on catchy melodies. Things take a nasty turn with “Mad Monster Party”, layering the cheese thick with its ’50s rock schtick. It’s not awful, but it quickly reminds you that this is indeed not the original Misfits.

And you’re left with that idea planted in your head: rather than playing like he’s the one and only Misfits, Jerry Only is happy sounding like a Misfits rip-off band. All things considered, it’s a very, very competent Misfits rip-off band, one that finally understands how to please its audience. Let’s just hope Jerry doesn’t forget this for another twenty-one years and that the metal Misfits sound is finally dead.

July 23, 2016

Witherscape – Witherscape

Junkhead Josh General, junkhead, reviews, track 5 conspiracy 0 Comments

Witherscape – Witherscape

Some bands, in search of a “sound”, totally just pull two bands names out of a hat and go to work seeing how they can combine them. Witherscape might be the worst of all those bands, combining something really great and something ultra repugnant: the melodic death metal of Amon Amarth and radio-friendly hard rock.

The opener “Wake of Infinity” paints the picture in disjointed strokes: great guttural verses with juicy technical lite guitar work followed by a clean Foo Fighters chorus. The song literally stops about three minutes in and a Nickelback passage enters. Things get better with track 2, “In the Eyes of Idols,” a slightly intriguing mix of melodic death and conventional rock. This keeps most vocals growling and the rhythm playing two chords at a time, throwing in some random synths.

Some synths are okay, but what seems like a light prog touch quickly engulfs the rest of the album. Tracks like “Divinity” and especially the fifteen minute “Northern Sanctuary” are overblown to the point of absurdity, pulling in synth spiderwebs and spontaneous ballads far too often. So yeah, Amon Amarth and Nickelback if they wanted to sound like Dream Theater. Just in case everyone missed how artsy-fartsy they really were, Witherscape throw in a minute long piano piece to wrap things up super shitty.

Of all the tracks, the only great one is “Marionette”, a random goth metal track hidden somewhere at the halfway point. The verses are totally throwaway, but the chorus spreads out with lush keyboards and epic power chords. Too bad its ruined by the Scruff McGruff death metal barks pushed way up front. Then again, it sort of summarizes the whole album: a waste of an idea that wasn’t that great to begin with.

The lowest D+ you could possibly imagine.

July 18, 2016

Micro-Reviewery 12: David Dexter, Nintendocore.jp, Tommy Trull, YeahBoys

Junkhead Josh General, junkhead, reviews 0 Comments

a4274164141_10

David Dexter – Death Design

A lot of that chill coldwave is the en vogue goth, but David Dexter’s instrumental destruction is too smart for that crap. Subtlety is thrown out the window as harsh drum loops, rumbling bass, and bloated guitars dominate. Most of this is pounding rock, with “Nibiru’s Orbit” and “Dead on Arrival” grafting holes in your ears, but “Cruel Work of Nature” sneaks some straightforward pop melodies in when you’re not looking. The near seven minute songs could be shaved a little, but now I’m just nitpicking.

B+

https://digitalparanoia.bandcamp.com/album/david-dexter-death-design-free-download

Various Artists – We Are The Nintendocore.jp

If you like chiptune music and metalcore, this is for you. Three tracks from three different bands, none of which sound particularly different. “Septic Wave” is half good, with cool death metal grow vocals and great spiraling NES sine waves butting heads with beyond generic J-Rock wankery. Plodding jazzy Meshuggah drum junk is matched with little else on “Nerd is Dead!”, but the final track takes a similar polyrhythmic element to an extreme. After mixing in grindcore and even a female singer, Lost my Proust’s “extraterrestrial” has a schizophrenic sound that steals the show. If you think clean vocals have any sort of place in metal music, you can add three million points to my score.

C-

https://parallelogramrecords.bandcamp.com/album/we-are-the-nintendocore-jp

Tommy Trull – Songs

As an enormous fan of Michael Nesmith’s brand of early country pop/rock, this is absolutely perfect. “Saddle Up” channels this best: vaguely hip cowboy lyrics are mixed with a perfect melody and a rolling strum. Trull covers a little more ground than that: “Comfort Zone” is pure bubblegum folk and the deliberate jangle of “The Hero of Hide and Seek” never misses a step. There’s even some sort of slow dance thing with “Secret Sun”. I was going to save this last sentence to say something negative, but I can’t come up with anything. Wait, here’s one: very original album title, you talented dipshit.

http://tommytrull.bandcamp.com/album/songs-2
YeahBoys – YeahBoys

Straight-faced power pop can be difficult to pull off for longer than thirty seconds, but YeahBoys does okay with their seven song demo. Stupid rhythm sequences in “Long Time” and awful guitar on “Everything” aside, there’s a manufactured pop swagger that clicks most of the time. None of the tracks really stand out, but hey, what do you expect when it’s totally free?

C+

http://yeahboys.bandcamp.com/

July 11, 2016

Dust Bolt – Mass Confusion

Junkhead Josh General, junkhead, reviews 0 Comments

Dust Bolt – Mass Confusion

Back in high school, I was a huge DRI fanatic. I listened to Dealing With It religiously, blasting it everywhere I went. One time my friend Dave and I were driving down a downtown avenue, just looking around and making fun of people as we normally did. After only thirty seconds of diverted attention, we looked down at his speedometer: we were blasting through the 30 mph street at 65 mph. The music filled the atmosphere with energy, and all it told us was to go fast, fast, fast.

Still, some things are better off dead. The world can live without feudalism, World War II, mass genocide, and crossover thrash. If you think one of those doesn’t belong, you’re right: crossover isn’t the worst thing ever, but it definitely suffers in the shadow of good genres. Power violence, thrashcore, grind, virtually all of it’s punk/metal hybrid cousins trump it.

DRI’s switch to crossover thrash in the mid-80s was dreadful. The blur of chords was switched to lots of metal space between the notes. It’s like if instead of cruising at 65 down the main strip, we were pumping the brakes every half a second. Going from teen angst to preaching about the dangers of acid rain, it was simply lame and, if the republican party’s opinion of global warming is to be believed, inaccurate:

“Will our children look back
With hatred or despair
At a generation of idiots
Who just didn’t care
About the fossil fuel fumes
And the aerosol sprays
That put holes in the ozone
And let in the rays”

In many ways, Dust Bolt recreates that DRI, whether it’s Lenny doing his best Kurt Brecht impression or the guitars chugging like it’s 1991, but they benefit from hindsight.

Able to eschew the throw away “dun-dun-DUN-dun-dun-DUN” riffing of yesteryear and the aforementioned banal lyrics, this enigmatic band knows how to make crossover thrash good. The same basic principles are there, but “Blind to Art” and “Mass Confusion” rip hard and fast. It has the one piece of the equation that most bands lack: good riff writing.

Unfortunately, for every step forward, there’s a back flip belly-flop that accompanies it. “Exit” is a flaccid power ballad that just can’t muster any strength, while “Mind the Gap” is way too metalcore for comfort. Why bother experimenting so much when you have a decent niche?
So yeah, crossover thrash still sucks. Sorry guys.

C-

July 7, 2016

Micro-Reviewery 11: Satellite Skin, Minutes of Decay, Lana White, Vaginal Diarrhoea

Junkhead Josh General, junkhead, reviews 0 Comments

a4274164141_10

Satellite Skin – Is This The Desired Effect?

This five track mini-thing is pretty cool when it’s loud, but that doesn’t happen very often. The opener “Waking Up” nails some lo-fi grunge guitars cutting through spacey drums and vocal echo. Even better is “Pissed Work”, a song that sounds like two or three different tracks playing simultaneously. The remaining three snoozers are definitely yawn-worthy, although “I Don’t Understand” has a great moody garage thing going on, sort of like the Kinks’ “I’m Not Like Everybody Else” for the bedroom lo-fi purist.

C-

https://satelliteskin.bandcamp.com/album/is-this-the-desired-effect

Minutes of Decay – Inchoate Death

This Metal/emo thing ends way too quickly. The first two tracks catch fire slow with doom riffs burrowing a hole into your brain. Filip Stojiljkovic strikes the perfect balance between screaming and whining, although it’s weird when the occasional clean vocals pop in. Unfortunately, the last track gets all fast metalcorey at the last minute and is thus less good.

B-

https://confusionspecialistrecords.bandcamp.com/album/inchoate-death-ep

Lana White – Letting Go

Sometimes I hear music my body doesn’t react well to. The melodies permeating the atmosphere invade my head, infecting my brain. My cerebellum bloats so much that it starts pressing against my skull until it’s going to rupture. In a fit of confusion and deep despair, I grab anything resembling a nail and furiously trepan my skull until I feel some sort of relief.

At first I thought this was the case here, but Lana White seems okay. “Letting Go” is definitely the stand out. The pop/folk singer-songwriter crowd should probably add a million points to my score here.

C-

https://lanawhite.bandcamp.com/releases

Vaginal Diarrhoea – Rotting Paradise

Ever since that dude from Mortician went crazy and stole a taxi cab a million years ago, there’s a huge gaping hole in the goregrind lexicon. Thankfully or unfortunately, there’s a million imitators out there, although few are as cool as Vaginal Diarrhoea. The classic Well Fuck Me Dead was definitely one of the better albums of 2009 and this better-late-than-never follow-up surpasses it in every way. Sludge guitars and tinny drum machine blast beats are all you get, battering the listener with a down-tuned onslaught that makes me want to bulldoze the fucking Earth.

A-

https://bizarreleprousproduction.bandcamp.com/album/rotting-paradise

July 2, 2016

Micro-Reviewery 10: Meat Loaf, Ghost Community, Ally Gold, Sequestered Keep

Junkhead Josh General, junkhead, reviews 0 Comments

Meat Loaf – “Going All The Way”

If you were excited about the newest Jim Steinman/Meat Loaf collaboration coming September, this single is sure to dispel any hope in humanity. Meat Loaf sounds like he’s slobbering all over his microphone, obviously ready for his next dose of geritol. The mandatory female vocalist character makes Meat Loaf sound even older, and the production’s synthesized instruments give it a super cheap feel. I don’t think Jim Steinman remembers what it’s like to be teenaged anymore either, making the entire affair a flaccid dullride.

Ghost Community – Cycle of Life

Prog is a very dirty four-letter word, but Ghost Community’s brand of adult alternative/AOR/prog/Dio/rock definitely excels. The secret is great songwriting. There’s never a moment wasted, with instrumental passages serving only to push all six tracks to a powerful climax. John Paul Vaughan has a clean, silky power, while Moray Macdonald’s whirling keyboards always left me wanting more. Hopefully this stuff isn’t too dense for the melodic rock crowd: nothing is under seven minutes, all tracks like an epic juggernaut of emotion and atmosphere. Sometimes you dig the music, but this music digs into you.

http://ghostcommunity.bandcamp.com/

Ally Gold – The Noise Collective

Twenty years too late, these noise-pop zombies have some decent hooks to share. The opener “Caffeine” has this twangy shoegaze James Bond guitar thing going on, while “All My Old Friends (Follow New Trends)” displays rockin’ capabilities. The remaining two get a little too self-conscious for me, aping shoegaze and lo-fi sensibilities in that order, but if I knew anything about indie credibility, this website would have millions of hits a day and earn me and Ay-hole enough money to comfortably retire on a remote private island off the coast of Argentina where I’d sip on expensive margaritas made by my private Chilean bartender Franco Vicente. Ally Gold could play there sometimes if they want.

C+

http://allygold.bandcamp.com/

Sequestered Keep – Dawn of Battle

More metal than you’ll ever be, Sequestered Keep’s take on medieval ambient is absolutely perfect. I can feel my blood pump listening to “Parapet Wizard” and “Into A Grim Forest Battle”, their swirling synth-orchestra and subtle military beats filling my soul with delicious melancholy. “Upon Its Hilt A Shining Light” and “The Silent Call of Hidden Paths” also nail the dark atmosphere, but the real killer is “Tattered Banners Across the Fields of Thousands-Slain”. I don’t think the title could be more appropriate. This is my new vote for best kept secret in underground music.

http://sequesteredkeep.bandcamp.com/album/dawn-of-battle

June 25, 2016

Dirty Bombshell – Dirty Bombshell

Junkhead Josh General, junkhead, reviews, track 5 conspiracy 0 Comments

Dirty Bombshell – Dirty Bombshell

Cock rock was a staple in the teenage American male’s diet for decades. Ted Nugent, Kiss, and virtually every hair metal band have bragged and begged for a woman’s affection time and time again, but it was only a matter of time before horny white guys died out. Much like Steel Panther, Dirty Bombshell attempts to recreate that classic time with reckless stupidity.

Reportedly an old cover band that realized rock songs about boning is mere pocket rocket science, Bombshell’s self-titled debut isn’t the dullest crayon in the toolshed. The music is pure hard rock, distilled like strong and sloppy AC/DC moonshine. Vocalist/bassist JD gives some spirited performances, the drums sound great, and Ryan riffs competently through it all. My only major complaint is how buried and muddled the guitars sound. In a genre driven by loud thunderous riffs, it’s a little odd that they sometimes come off more as quiet farts.

The lyrical content is sure to please everyone’s grandmother. The disgusting title of “Sixteen/Sexteen” would normally bother me, but the breakdown lyrics are just too good to be true: “sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex”. It only gets worse when they start trying to make sense, dumbing out hard in the only way rock gods can. Here are my favorite examples.

“Slut Queen” – So I tap her on the shoulder/And I tell her/ And I tell her/I’ve gots to get me some/Slut queen

“Drinking of U” – Are you drinking of me/Drinking of U/Can you feel it girl/Can I feel it too

“MicH377e” – Go to hell/Michelle

“Vince” – Phonin’ it in/phonin’ it in/phonin’ it in/Oi oi oi oi

The last one’s rather telling, as the shtick starts to wear thin over the fifteen track length. “Dead Man’s Curve” and “Walk of Shame” are like the awful tracks on your favorite Ugly Kid Joe album, which is definitely more of a compliment than I initially intended. For the vast majority of listeners, that’s a bad thing, but for us about to rock, it’s not too shabby.

Keeping your social justice warrior girlfriend in mind, Dirty Bombhsell were thoughtful enough to include “Pants Off” radio edit. She’ll still break up with you, but at least her virgin ears will remain intact.

B-

June 22, 2016

2015 Round Up – 23 album review bonanza

Ay-hole Andy ay-hole, dialogue, General, junkhead, reviews, Round up 0 Comments

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2015 Round Up – Six Months Late

	Without a year like 2015, it’s probable that Blahblahmusic.com wouldn’t exist. Years had passed since Ay-hole and I were really on the pulse of popular music, the reason being that everything simply sucked. It wasn’t just music: movies, television, all media seemed to have fallen into a rut. Nothing was creative, and nothing captivated us. Countless nights, we sat around drinking beer, listening to thirty year old music and swearing we were born too late. But then 2015 hit like a truck full of bricks. It wasn’t until very late in the year that Ay-hole and I realized just what was going on. It started by playing a single album playing through his Ouya and spiraled out of control into a maelstrom of music sharing and discussion. Not long after, Ay-hole was determined to chronicle his listening travails here, and I gleefully followed suit. Six months too late, we’re going to look back on that fateful year that helped bring us into existence and see what made it so damn good.
	I’d like to take a moment to revisit one of those beer drinking, remorseful times as a poem we wrote during those dark times: My brain feels like it’s bleedin through me head When I watch the modern movies There’s nothing juicy to dissect When I watch the modern movies Why did they make this?Hollywood gets my money When I watch the modern movies The media force feeds my brain When I watch the modern movies You can replace movies with radio and Hollywood with that company that has C C as its initials.
	The C+C Music Factory?
	You wish
	Jeff Bridges – Sleeping Tapes
	First release of 2015: Jeff Bridges – Sleeping Tapes
	This could have been Hollywood ennui or artistic genius, but thankfully it was the latter. Sleeping Tapes is everything I love about experimental music: dark, brooding, mysterious, and hilarious. I feel like way too many people miss that last part, but Jeff definitely understands how to use humor to grip the listener in his found sound landscapes.
	I lost myself in the Temescal Canyon. I actually could smell the pine.
	John Carpenter – Lost Themes
	Next is the aforementioned album that lifted our eyes. I had made a habit of listening to the old dudes who were still making music and John Carpenter’s solo album, Lost Themes caught my ears and my attention.
	Yeah, he has a massive body of great work already. Escape From New York and Halloween 2 are synth treasure troves and probably did just as much for electronic music as any Kraftwerk album.
	My ego was selfishly pleased when Junkhead nearly jumped off the couch when I put it on.
	Yeah, I couldn’t believe it. It was instantly the only thing I wanted to hear in the universe. I bought it almost immediately.
	Litmus Green – More than Animals
	Now for something more pop: Litmus Green – More than Animals Pop is really not the best word to describe it. I am questioning that it is even more pop than Sleeping Tapes.
	It’s definitely the poppiest thing we’ve talked about I think. There’s barely any modern hardcore music, and when there is it’s all emo-influenced. Litmus Green just picked it up like nothing changed after a twenty year hiatus, hating everything not crustie/anarcho/whatever with a passion I can understand.
	It should be called “Litmus test – is the listener a sheeple or at least a little open minded”
	Too many sheeple totally overlooked it. They were all too busy listening to new shitty LGBT-themed hardcore punk that Pitchfork’s championing.
	Pitchfork just made it into the 2015 review. That should be enough to tell you the state of affairs we live in.
	Eclipse – Armageddonize
	If you ever want to get Junkhead’s adrenaline going, especially after a long day of rescuing sheeple from other sheeple, just say one word: Eclipse Armageddonize was brought up in countless conversations and Junkhead played it every time I went over for months.
	I think I did that with everybody. Talk about the best band in the world. This album was an enormous leap in developing their unique sound: the over-the-top AOR/hard rock/metal in-your-face slam. No human being can resist banging their head when any of its tracks come on. A lot of the time I’ll be rolling into work, thinking about how much the drudgery of routine bogs me down, but then I’ll just think of songs like “Wide Open” or “Stand on Your Feet” and I’ll be in my happy place. It’s a unique combination of sheer electric bite and positive, life-affirming melodies that make it so intoxicating. I’m guessing Eclipse will never really break out because they have a virtually non-existent touring schedule, but at least they can make the best studio material in the universe.
	Europe – War of Kings
	Europe was actually one of the bands I was looking forward to in 2015. They played a cool rock festival in Sweden over a decade earlier so I was excited to listen to War of Kings
	The title track has to be the best metal song of 2015.
	I enjoyed it. My most shocking experience with War of Kings was how no one around me bothered to listen to it. This really began my effort to forcefully educate people that real music was happening and they were oblivious to it. I can’t believe Tempest can still sing!
	Yeah, he’s honestly better now, I think. It’s the material. It’s all metal now, and he’s clearly a metal singer at heart.
	Elder – Lore
	Dude, I messed up the order. ELDER – LORE It’s not the best elder. My favorite Elder story, however, is when M was listening to a youtube auto playlist and listened to the entire Lore album without shutting it off. So, it has to be good.
	Yeah, it has a cool furniture doom sound to it. Like it’s really heavy wallpaper.
	The album art is really cool, too.
	Bubble Bones – In the Land of Zimandias
	One more time warp, turns out I forgot to sync my list with Junkhead’s. The FIRST cool album that I know of that came out in 2015 is Bubble Bones incredible album, In the Land of Zimandias.
	Sure that’s not 2014? https://bubblebones.bandcamp.com/album/in-the-land-of-zimandias-2014
	Whoops, that was their indie release. I had NO idea. Their label release was in January 2015 on nooirax. If I go by the real rules, it’s okay because as long as something big happens in the year we are talking about it’s good. As official release vs. Promotional, or reissue vs original. So, this counts, because Ay-hole is my name.
	Sorry Ay-hole, I only talk 2015 and onward. Everything else is nothing to me.
	So Bubble Bones gets ex-spelled because Junkhead doesn’t want to have to go and double check all of the reissues of 2015
	Moonspell – Extinct
	I first listened to Moonspell’s Extinct on youtube and I saw what I’m assuming to be the original NSFW album cover. It is really upsetting and I was watching it on my crumby netbook because I was putting linux on it and it could only do one thing at a time, so I had to turn the screen around just to enjoy the music because I’m a naive little boy
	Dead boobs don’t bother me. I loved Moonspell back in high school and decided to check it out. It’s probably their best album, mixing pop, goth, and metal to reach new, more accessible heights. Moonspell’s gone down some pretty oddball paths over the past twenty years, but it’s nice to know they can turn out some great poppy crunch. My favorite’s either the surf-rocky “Medusalem” or the wholesale Sisters of Mercy rip-off “The Last of Us”
	Michael Schenker – Spirit on a Mission
	Junkhead has a lot of man-crushes. One of the more powerful ones is Michael Schenker. I think he sleeps under a poster of him.
	He’s got a lot of power, that’s for sure. He’s one of those mid-range guys who actually injects a ton of melody into every solo he drops. Schenker hasn’t really turned out a great rockin’ album since 1984, but Spirit on a Mission returns to that UFO and MSG sound: concise songs, tight riffs, and searing vocals.
	Candidate for lamest album cover of 2015.
	Yeah, books by their cover yadda-yadda. It’s 80 million times better than this year’s UFO album or most sexagenarian man crushes.
	Neuroticfish – A Sign of Life
	In 1999, Neuroticfish released No Instruments, a fantastic futurepop album. Then, they released it two more times, and again two more times with different songs. But in 2015, they released A Sign of Life. Still good, not as good as No Instruments.
	I like Gelb more.
	I would probably still buy A Sign of Life if it was available on vinyl.
	A Sign of Life doesn’t really have any great songs, but it has a phenomenal atmosphere. It’s more of futurepop’s last gasp than anything else, but it’s a good hearty one.
	Teenage Bottlerocket – Tales from Wyoming
	Teenage Bottlerocket does not sound like punk to me.
	I guess their drummer died last year after this came out? It’s sad, they’ve been making cool music and touring non-stop for a long time.
	That’s tragic. Accidents destroy bands. I mean, they destroy lives… Of course, now I’m referring to all death as an accident, when it’s actually inevitable.
	But yeah, I think the power pop guy in me like’s this one. It’s totally more of the same, but they’re so good at their little pop-punk niche.
	Power pop it is.
	Ghost Bath – Moonlover
	As we are about to talk about Ghost Bath – Moonlover, let me remind you that it is the summer solstice tonight and a full moon.
	Every mix CD I’ve made this year has the second track off this one on it. It takes up 9 minutes, but it’s so damn good.
	Also, I’ve tested this theory, and you can play Ghost Bath in the background during any other experience. It fits. The ultimate bar music. I can hear all of the kiddos talking about their finals, their hotty girlfriend, the new episode of Naruto, while this plays in the background.
	Yeah, they don’t let the math rock/post-hardcore noodling get in the way of their black metal intensity, but you barely notice. It’s great music for making out, eating, walking the dog.
	I read one review that said it was subliminally positive metal.
	Bosse-de-Nage – All Fours
	Another fantastic background album, only, a little more aggressive sounding. There are a lot of emotions flying around on this album.
	Bosse-de-Nage is everything I love about Slint and Shellac mashed up with everything great about Darkthrone. It’s definitely emotional, but it’s not foofy at all. This is supposed to be in the blackgaze category too, but you still feel like the band has a soul outside of atmospheric wankery.
	Peste Noire – La Chaise-Dyable
	Speaking of atmosphere, PESTE NOIRE – LA CHAISE-DYABLE I don’t know how to pronounce it but I listened to it a ton.
	Yeah, the title track onward is perfect. Searing electric ballads of a diseased rural French guy.
	The first half is good because one will be listening trying to figure out what is going on when more stuff happens and the listener still is trying to figure out what just happened. I could see myself in an experimental band that tries to do the same thing, just a lot less artistically. I guess I’m not French enough, though I could go for 30 hour work weeks.
	Yeah, there’s nothing quite like it. Keep in mind this guy’s been honing his experimental black metal folk junk for fifteen years on some farm somewhere. He’s probably just fucking nuts.
	I hope the album cover is his kitchen.
	It has to be. Album art of 2015? Michael Schenker loses to some crazy diseased French guy for sure.
	Definitely better than the generic skull art featured on many of the 2015 releases.
	Faith No More – Sol Invictus
	Faith No More released Sol Invictus in 2015. First thoughts, not as bad as I remembered Faith No More. They were made famous when they covered “Easy like Sunday morning,” and “Warpigs.”
	Faith No More was the junk back in the day along with most things Mike Patton. I skipped it last year because I don’t care about either anymore. What’s it sound like?
	Like more interesting agro butt rock. I think they’ve adapted new sounds pretty well. I was never really a fan of them in the 90’s, but I was listening to other boy bands.
	Fantomas was great until I realized they were a total Naked City rip-off. I liked Patton’s band Tomahawk, too. Their gimmick was that they were the Jesus Lizard with Mike Patton in it.
	Reno Bo – Lessons from a Shooting Star
	Reno Bo – Lessons from a Shooting Star Amusingly addicting Like sugary ice cream but with better flavors
	Shooting Star is the best power pop album in a long time. The sugary sweet stuff is the best. No one was expecting this to be so awesome. Too much power pop spends a lot of time looking back, but Reno Bo does a good job looking for new paths in a dead and buried style.
	Jono – Silence
	It’s totally Queen on steroids! “Wasting Time” is the song I want to play whenever I walk in the room.
	I usually hate this kind of sub-avant-garde emo pop. But this is good stuff. Nice mix, good writing, and very interesting melodies.
	I’d probably throw it in the melodic prog category, but that works too. They have a strong grasp of what makes melodic rock and progressive stuff, so well that it never feels like a “revival” album.
	Iskra – Ruins
	Iskra, the crust punk band that everyone considers black metal. I really enjoyed listening to Ruins. I am very excited about socio-political music that is not just media friendly bologna.
	Yeah, I don’t care how many crappy anarcho-quotes you throw in your liner notes, tremolo guitars/blast beats/shrieky chick vocals=black metal baby. Ay-Hole, my girlfriend and I are pretty good at reproducing the sound a capella.
	C: BAH BAH BAH BAH BAAAAAH A: (blast beat) What did you do again?
	I did the tremolo guitars playing some evil sounding riff.
	Daniel Romano – If I’ve Only One Time Askin’
	Pop country is a dirty word, but this recalls a time when the term had something akin to a soul.
	I’m just waiting to talk about
	Seal – 7
	I do not think anyone listened to this.
	I didn’t, although I had a Seal kick back in 2014. That’s totally why I missed it.
	I did. It was just as boring as expected.
	If only Haddaway had an album last year. Totally would have given that a chance. And that’s totally all I have to say about that.
	I have been actually waiting to talk about…
	Stryper – Fallen
	Who’s hotter, Micheal or Robert Sweet?
	Michael for sure. He’s in Boston now, so he’s automatically a sex machine. The three throwaway ballads aside, this is some awesome metal.
	Robert definitely knows how to sport the flairs and even with his open shirt I can rarely tell him apart from a woman. I regularly enjoy screaming “YAH-WEH!”
	Huge production, great song. “Yaweh” is a six minute epic that feels like the love of Jesus is going to crush the shit out of you. The title track rips too. The verse and chorus don’t really blend, but I think it’s the jarring screams of “FALLLLEN” that make the whole thing.
	Also, best Black Sabbath cover of 2015.
	Yeah, for real. I was listening to my vinyl copy of this last week and I realized the ending track, “King of Kings” is a virtual re-write of the Sabbath cover in terms of the first verses lyrical content. “Do you believe in Jesus?/He’s good/But your friends don’t like him/And you’re a sheeple dingus”
	Whoo. I’m getting hot. We should move on. And what better transition than to…
	Powers from Hell – Devil’s Whorehouse
	Powers from Hell – Devil’s Whorehouse, with album art featuring a naked and tattooed nun. EXCELLENT mixing. The sound that is.
	The grimy old school thrashy black metal sound is great, and Devil’s Whorehouse kicks it out hard. If I were a nun, this music probably would inspire me to get naked tattooed.
	It most likely happened like this: “Yea, we had an old Panasonic camcorder in the basement and set it up to practice. The cut came out so good we just sent the video to the producer and he made a CD out of it. We never got any studio time.”
	Studio time isn’t very black metal. Iskra is probably closer to Beyonce than Devil’s Whorehouse when you think about production values. Powers From Hell needs to make more more more.
	I’m telling you, man. The Call of the Winter Moon. But the real coup-de-grace of 2015, possibly the album that made us wet our pants for future releases:
	Baroness – Purple
	I cried when I first listened to it, probably.
	I dunno if I’m even capable of gushing over this album anymore. I did it back in my review of the live show.
	You did memorize all of the lyrics, then listened to the entire discography and learned most of those songs, too. If anyone has not heard the Purple album yet, and not Whitesnake’s 2015 release, listen to Baroness ASAP.
	I knew the Blue and Yellow and Green from before, but those kind of sucked. Purple’s so perfect, it’s like a totally new band.
	An example of fortitude. Now that a new day has dawned, we will listen, we will research lightly, we will consider with great prerogative to absorb and implement modern music back into our previously malnourished diet full of old punk and never popular rock and roll bands.
	Hell yeah. Keep it very light on the research. I didn’t even know Transilvanian was how they spelled it in Scandinavia. I thought it was like a punk rawk way to spell it.
	I still deny Transilvania is a real place.
	Transilvania is like my black metal/punk rawk happy place. Where dude’s chill in vans in the foresty mountains somewhere with naked tattooed nuns and churn out good music.
	Honerable unmentionables : Purity Ring Nightwish Godspeed You! Black Emperor Blur Whitesnake, only because they also released the Purple Album Lifehouse Third Eye Blind Public Enemy Ratatat Lamb of God (the hard rockin one) Six Feet Under Dear Hunter Wand Strange Wilds Buckethead (he releases like, thirty albums a minute and maybe 5% of those are good, so right on)

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