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November 19, 2016

DIALOGUE: STRYPER IN DETROIT 30 YEARS OF TO HELL WITH THE DEVIL

Ay-hole Andy ay-hole, dialogue, General, junkhead, live 0 Comments

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JUNKHEAD AND AY-HOLE GET THEIR STRYPES

	I’m just sitting here contemplating.
	I’m actually listening to Stryper now.
	I’m listening to Kenny Chesney.
	I’m breaking up with you.
	You need to broaden your musical tastes.

	Back in high school, I was super ironic, so the idea that Stryper was a Christian metal band was super funny to me, so I bought up all their albums on cassette because they were like a quarter.
	I remember all the old fogies in Church talking about Stryper. Their music videos would be on TV sometimes. On Turner Broadcast or whatever. I always thought that was weird, because it was over the air.
	They were never on TV when I watched, but after listening to To Hell With the Devil thirty times in my car, I decided their goodie two-shoes image was way more appealing than inverted crosses and such. Metal’s all about Satan and stuff, so someone singing about God is WAY more against the status quo than you’d think. Just like I did back in my giggly 9th grade year, I underestimated Stryper’s power going into the show earlier this week at St. Andrew’s Hall.
	I had some Christian metal tapes when I was younger, like White Cross. I actually thought Stryper sounded too old fashioned when I was younger. I liked that screamo metal crap. Now that I’m older I can appreciate how awesome older sounding stuff really is.
	That’s crazy, I didn’t know that.
	I will say that the 2015 Fallen album is very not old fashioned sounding, but they only played Yahweh at the concert.
	’80s metal was my thing, so Stryper wasn’t bad, but they definitely had too many ballads compared to Iron Maiden and stuff.
	One ballad is enough. It can get boring real fast.
	They played only two ballads I believe, and both were from To Hell With The Devil. They played the whole album to commemorate its thirtieth anniversary. Which sucked for them because that meant they opened with the title track, which was like ultra-premature ejaculation.
	All these anniversary tours are making me feel old. I anticipated the whole album, however.
	I mean, the album’s older than both of us I think.
	You keep thinking that, young punk. “Calling on you” is my junk. I almost cried, but my ears were bleeding the whole time. I didn’t look at the set list, so when they announced they were playing another set after the whole album, I was excited that they would play songs that were not cover songs.
	“Calling on You” has that cool Beatlesque pre-chorus. I was surprised that I remembered all the words to every song. For a long time, To Hell With the Devil was the only thing I listened to on my tape deck, and it all came pouring back out my mouth as I sang to every song.
	According to Sweet, this tour was the first time that “All of Me” was ever performed. Originally I thought “Honestly” was better, but that’s probably because it’s just more popular. It also has catchy pop psychology in it. But “All of Me” is shoot from the hip emotion.
	“All of Me” felt really cool. Like, it was honest and ballady? “The Way” is one of my favorites though. It definitely increased my head-banging tenfold.
	I danced hard to “More Than A Man.” Most of the crowd was still coming out of their shells, too. Also, I want to be more than a man and that song is pretty rockin.
	That song rules. The chorus is like five minutes long and everyone was all over it. They took a break after that and there was this buzzing noise that was super loud.
	At this point my ears started hurting. I was glad there was a break, but then they blasted Battle Hymn of the Republic and myself, being tall, got the full dose. There was also this dude behind me that was doing one of those father whistles where he sticks two fingers in his mouth, turns at my ear and blows louder than the music. I could hear it the entire show during the songs. I finally got behind him so he turns to the guy in front of me and just screams in his face. This guy was hyped out of his mind.
	Yeah I was okay. They played “Yahweh”, which got me psyched up so hard. I think it bothered everyone else. My head was practically hitting the ground I was rockin’ so hard, but it felt like everyone else wasn’t really interested.
	It wasn’t thirty years old, like the rest of the set. I was waiting for them to play “Shout at the Devil,” since the opening act mentioned that they were going to play a Motley Crew song.
	Did they? Oh yeah, the opening act was local. They played two songs I liked that Ay-Hole hated, then they played a bunch of songs I hated that Ay-Hole liked,
	Really? I thought they were from LA. They had an LA sound and looked like it.
	I checked their Facebook and they’ve just been hyping this show for two months.
	The bass player had no presence on stage, unless you count his awfully mixed bass. When he switched to the bedazzled version the music became instantly listenable. The guitar player’s main talent is noodling when not playing Rage Against the Machine.
	Singer looked and sounded like Jack Black doing a hair metal parody thing, but he was definitely entertaining. After the show I bought their album on vinyl for ten bucks, and he seemed very disenchanted with life. He didn’t have change.
	He was entertaining. He was screaming as hard as he could the whole show, so he was probably in pain afterwards.
	No way bro, that guy could scream for ages.
	That records great, btw. I’m upset I didn’t get one.
	Yeah, I thought you were going to. The first side’s pretty great, especially that grunge sounding song. “Turbo Slut” rules. We should review that bad boy next.
	Since they’re local, I can pick one up later. Also, the drummer plays with a sawed in half curtain rod that he just drops onto the drums from above his head.
	Hopefully our ten readers are local. I hope that dude sells more copies. One thing that was weird is how he kept throwing empty LP sleeves into the crowd. Anyway, Stryper. They played “Yahweh” and then they played some okay songs like “In God We Trust” and a bunch of covers.
	“Heaven and Hell” was okay, but only because it’s a good song. I was kinda bored by the covers.
	Yeah, I rocked out to “Heaven and Hell” because Dio’s my boy. I actually felt kind of sad afterwards because I never got to see Dio live, and when I finished and I realized I was staring at Stryper, it made me feel empty. Then they played a Motley Crue cover.
	I liked to hear their originals. I’m not a big cover fan, anyway. I’m not old enough.
	It was weird when Stryper followed up the three covers with an original and THEN played another cover. Michael Sweet made a joke that Van Halen was from Detroit and everyone in the crowd looked really confused the entire song.
	I didn’t get it. I still don’t.
	Like any old person joke, it just wasn’t funny. Although Sweet was killing it on the banter the rest of the show.
	I’m sure it was SoCal humor. It was just too complex for our dumb rust belt brains.
	He told like eighty jokes and seventy-nine of them were funny.
	A favorite of all was when he ridiculed those who waited “30 years” to see them.
	Funny stuff. They held off on playing the really, really awesome songs from my personal favorite, Soldiers Under Command until the end. “Soldiers Under Command” followed by “Makes Me Wanna Sing” was a metal cream dream.
	That was probably the highlight of the night. Out with a total explosion! Planned encores are dumb, though. I would have just played them back to back.
	Yeah, it was a long set in all honesty and the encore cheer was awful. The crowd needed a big finish though, and those two songs were it.
	It was a horrible cheer. Some people were saying “One more song” some were saying “Stryper” and others were speaking in tongues.
	That’s what you get for having a crowd where most are over fifty. That’s probably what made you feel old.
	I was really worn out after the show, too. It was very emotional. I kept thinking about how old they are and this could be my last chance to see them. All of the 16 year olds that were drug along with their parents is what made me feel old. They were super into it, however.
	No way. I was next to all of them and all they mustered was a polite head bob. I wanted everyone climbing the walls and giving Stryper their muthafuckin’ just desserts. I forgot, you were behind the kid who knew all the songs. There was an eighteen year old headbanger behind me who kept hitting me with his hair He ruled.
	You know that the only people who would climb up on stage were our age. This wasn’t the Portland riots, it was an 80’s metal concert. The people in the front probably got lost to get up there. They would probably need an escalator to get up onto the stage. I wonder what old band brings in the oldest mosh pit.
	I still don’t believe the Portland riots exist. That’s how uncultured I am. I’m just a junkhead.
	I like thinking that a Glenn Miller cover band in Florida attracts a bunch of old dudes with walkers to punch each other in the everglades while old grandmas smoke joints and dye their hair.
	The Everglades riots.
	Alligator fight dance I’d give Stryper a 5/5. They played excellent. My ears are still ringing, however. I thought about giving it a 4/5 because of how much pain I was in.
	I couldn’t tell you were enjoying it.
	I’m serious. I’ve been reading about earplugs all day.
	It wasn’t that loud for me. It probably was the most meaningful live show I’ve ever been to. Like my life really came full circle from that cassette tape to St. Andrew’s Hall. A. What about the opener? Androids Anonymous? What the fuck is their name?

	Artificial Agent. 3/5 with ear protection. And only again if the bass player uses the bedazzled bass.
	D+. Because they played five songs and I only liked the first two.
	Then we went home and smashed several helpings of salsa and listened to their smashing 2015 album.
	I forgot about the salsa! Ay-Hole brought over this salsa and I discovered that I had a jar of the exact same salsa in my fridge. It was crazy.
	So we ate all of it. Then Junkhead collapsed on the floor and couldn’t get up to flip the record.
	Yeah, I was pretty tuckered out.

Ay-hole’s rating:
Artificial Agent 3/5
Stryper 5/5

Junkhead’s rating:
Androids Anonymous D+
Stryper A

November 2, 2016

DIALOGUE MICRO-REQUEST-REVIEW SPECIAL!: Lidane Livering, Encyclopedia Frown, Randy and The RN’s

Ay-hole Andy ay-hole, dialogue, General, junkhead, reviews 0 Comments

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DIALOGUE MICRO-REQUEST-REVIEW SPECIAL!: Lidane Livering, Encyclopedia Frown, Randy and The RN’s

	We’re famous now! People request to be reviewed! Unfortunately, we’ve been slacking on this front for a while, but we’re finally going to sit down and check these out. The first one’s really old.
	Also, it technically came out last year, but we’re just throwing it in. It’s part of a, uhh… series, and the last one came out in February.
	Evidently this band’s really old. They made some stuff at the turn of the millennium and they’re back by popular demand.
	It’s basically a bunch of fuzz with random noise and vocal sampling for almost an hour.
	Some of the tracks have a beat. The last one’s kind of cool, but it’s just like an Atari 2600 song overtly distorted with some hand claps thrown in.
	I was going to say track 6 is a cool one. It held my interest surprisingly long, almost half of all 8 minutes of it. The first two are my least favorites, still.
	Track six sucks. Moving on, there’s some great post punk from some other band. Phantomwise! Actually, I don’t like this either.
	I liked it quite a bit. It took a while because the singer sounds like he’s having a hard time, but there are other bands with similar vocals but usually sound stupid. Also, apparently Manila is the greatest density of people living over an entire city or something.
	The last two tracks do this thing where the guitar plays the same melody as the vocals. That’s some Barney bullshit right there.
	Musing to self: For some reason, guitar backing the vocal melody is one of Junkhead’s greatest peeves, but if that is true, I haven’t been able to figure out why he likes power pop…
	Normally they play chords and the vocal melody is different. You don’t even listen to power pop.
	Shots fired!
	You’re like Yosemite Sam lookin’ at all those bullet holes in your hat. Anyway, a lot of early blues rock does that more than power pop. Other early metal that was still blues influenced did that too, like Black Sabbath’s first two albums.
	Yeah, the last two songs of Phantomwise have some cool melodies, but you are right, the verses suffer.
	The second track has like, no melody. It’s this slow boring dirge where the singer sounds like he’s falling asleep.
	I like it. It might be my favorite of the night.
	That’s crazy.
	It’s very immature sounding and almost retarded, qualities I enjoy thoroughly.
	This is probably the least passionate music I’ve listened to in a long time. Totally phoned in and trying to fit a style and so missing the mark.
	Like, it tries too hard, then?
	I mean, it would be trying too hard if it tried at all?
	Like, it tries?
	It doesn’t.
	No extra credit for Encyclopedia Frown. Go back to the cramped Pearl of the Orient!
	So I mean, what do you like about it? Since I’m burying these poor gentlemen who requested this review.
	I do like the dragging apathy and uncooked writings. Really. It’s not indifference, it’s disconcern.
	I have no idea what that means. So my favorite’s Randy and the RN’s!
	Second time this year on BlahBlahMusic.com I think I like this release a little better.
	I think the vocals are pushed too far up in the mix, it’s a little too obviously cheap digital stuff. But the songs are just as good, a lot more aggressive and fun.
	There is a large amount of digital distortion. The first time I listened I was almost too appalled to give it a chance, but the poppyness is very appetizing.
	The sounds also kind of all over the place, like almost all the songs were recorded with totally different setups. I really like “Waiting for the Summer”, slow, loud, and pure pop is always a great thing.
	Case in point, guitar backed vocals.
	I was waiting for that. But y’know, sometimes people are good enough songwriters that they don’t suck. I think Randy (if that’s his real name) has a really good knack for hooks. “Break Yer Heart” he just sings along with the guitar the whole time, but its amazing pop-punk.
	I think the melody itself has to be sing-songy, otherwise it will sound like a double scoop of turd. RANDY SPIKE knows how to clean up a melody and add some spicy and sincere rhymes.
	Yeah, Randy never sounds like a pretentious twerp. He’s like a rock ‘n’ roll Everyman. It’s also refreshing he knows how to get in, make a statement, and get out. “Suicidal Highway” is less than two minutes and covers more ground than most supposed pop auteurs could ever muster.
	I would love to hear a whole succinct album from him. I do not know if he ever stuck to one style in the past.
	Sounds like he just does whatever the hell he wants.
	That must be where the magic is. Definitely one of my favorite musicians out of New York.
	I’m going to invite him to the Blah Blah Music Christmas bash.
	I can’t wait to find out about that.
	We’ll request a three hour version of “Kombucha Kids”.
	That’s the song that sounds like he recorded it three years ago in the back of a van while driving up the Rocky Mountains.
	That’s actually very similar to the Christmas bash’s setting.
	In a van tumbling sideways down the Rocky Mountains.

Ay-Hole:

Forsaken by Lidane Livering: 2/5 because it was mildly entertaining. Maybe I’m not cultured enough for it…
Phantomwise by Encyclopedia Frown: 3/5 because I wouldn’t turn it off if it came on.
Wish You Were Weird by Randy and The RN’s: 4/5 because it represents a crisp finished project with all of its un-sanded edges confidently sticking out.

Junkhead:

Forsaken by Lidane Livering: I give it a C-. There should have been more beats.
Phantomwise by Encyclopedia Frown: F. My washing machine sounds more interesting.
Wish You Were Weird by Randy and The RN’s: B+! This guy has legit talent. If our blog was read by millions of people, millions of people would love him.

Bandcamps:
Forsaken by Lidane Livering

Phantomwise by Encyclopedia Frown

Wish You Were Weird by Randy and The RN’s

October 31, 2016

Satan/Cauldron – Small’s 10/27/16

Junkhead Josh ay-hole, dialogue, General, junkhead, live, reviews 1 Comment

Satan/Cauldron – Small’s 10/27/16

	Do you really think we can do it in an hour?
	A half hour. And yeah.
	That’s what I typed. But it didn’t come out
	So are you okay to?
	Okay.
	Alright. You can start it. Just talk about how you convinced me to go.
	The day before the concert, Junkhead and I and our significants were sitting somewhere when someone asked if we were going to the concert. I said, “J doesn’t want to go because he’s going to be tired tomorrow.” But after I repeated that it was only $16 bucks and C and M could hang together, Junkhead became suddenly excited.
	C said she’d pay for my ticket, so the prospect got infinitely more exciting. Honestly, the events leading to the show also turned me off: Ay-hole was really excited to show up early, but we were locked out because the bands were sound-checking. And it was cold.
	Every time I am late to a concert, the opening band ends up going on early and being the band I actually wanted to see. This time my luck worked against us and Junkhead was stuck in whine mode for at least an hour.
	We were the only people near the stage area for about that amount of time, so I whined my ass off. The first band didn’t help brighten the mood either, with Coven 13 blowing all over the place.
	Coven 13 started at 8:47 with their one song that featured a face melting solo, only the guitarist broke his string at the beginning of it.I was anticipating “Thor’s Twins” being the most exciting song, however, I was disappointed.
	That opening song sucked. The second one, “Ruler”, was really cool, but Andy hated it. “RULER/RULER/OF THE WASTELAND/RULER/RULER”.
	I can’t put my finger on it, but it felt lazy. I liked the third song, which is unpronoucable but sounded like a Castlevania song. Then every song sucked. The whole band was lazy.
	The singer in particular looked like he was bored of the audience, really.
	I’d give Coven 13 a 2/5, because I would probably avoid them at a show. Maybe they were just mad they weren’t going to be at Covenfest the next day. I’d be pretty sour about that, too.
	Ay-hole was really into the idea that Coven was playing another show called Covenfest the next day, but they’re wholly unrelated. The next band, Destructor, was crazy. The sound guy had to tell the vocalist/rhythm guitarist three times that he had to turn his amp down.
	From the second they began to play, I was unable to take any pictures because I could not stop headbanging and air guitaring. The lead guitarist, a guy they we met before we went in, had to jump in the car and speed back to Cleveland so he could be at work at 5:30 the next morning, so he made sure to wake us all up with his through the roof energy.
	He was really good at shredding. Definitely the best guitarist in the building that night.
	One could tell simply by the set list that Destructor is a good show. Too bad their album sucks. It might win worst recorded/best writing category for 2016.
	They played a whirlwind thrash set, three songs in a row with no stops followed by another three songs in a row. The first set was definitely better, with breakneck speeds and nothing else. After a little banter, they played some shitty power metal song that was saved by speed and shreds. I’d give them a B+.
	What are you going to give Coven 13?
	D. As an educator by trade, I have a lot of faith in the letter grade system.
	I’ll give Destructor a 4/5. I’ll have to get into their music more. Maybe next time their in town I’ll have a shirt and be part of the fan club or something.
	Like you said, their 2016 album sucked. Just a victim of terrible production. Strictly a live thing for me. Cauldron’s studio album, however, was something Ay-hole had to grab on vinyl.
	Well, the reason we went to this show, anyway, was so we could see Cauldron. I missed them when they were at the Tolken Lounge. First impression, the bass player/singer, Decay, seemed tired and indifferent.
	For real. The whole performance lacked enthusiasm, like he was sick or tired. Fans were excited for older tracks, but we were excited about newer ones.
	They did play “Empress” and “Burning at Both Ends,” which were pretty good and we were super hyped about that, but “No Return” sounded toilsome.
	There was a lot of toil for sure. “Miss You To Death” was the standout for me, although it’s the only thing in their repertoire that sounds like a straight AC/DC song.
	To be fair, my neck hurt after Destructor and “Burning at Both Ends,” and their was that annoying fat mosher in a Judas Priest shirt that was inches close to loosing vision in his eye due to my elbow, so I could have just been preocupied. But the later thrashy songs really held the attention of the crowd well.
	The skullet guitar dude was really cool after the show. We took the picture above with them, and then I started talking about his Angel Witch shirt. He was surprised I didn’t like the first album and liked the mid-80s ones, but seemed especially confused when I started talking about how cool Praying Mantis was.
	I complimented Decay’s Chain Reaction shirt, then Junkhead says to the guitarist, Chains, “You got a cool shirt, too. That album sucks.” And they became besties.
	Readers will always get stories in reverse when Blah Blah Music comes to town. So we went back to the stage area and started questioning whether we cared about the headliner, Satan.
	They took forever to set up. It seemed like there was more groupies helping than all the members of the bands history, which is saying something because I believe only the lead singer was remaining from the original line up.
	I mean, everyone was old except the lead guitarist, so I dunno. Evidently both guitarists were original members.
	I am corrected. I thought the lead guitarist was a lady. I’m still not sure. Interestingly enough, Satan was the oldest act on the stage that night, and Cauldron the youngest.
	Every band started in the ’80s except Cauldron. Coven 13 is the only band that had all of it’s original members. We’re avoiding talking about Satan’s music because they sucked so we left.
	It was terrible. I was hoping it was going to either get worse or better and it did indeed get worse. One song was some high pitch droning and low ostinato fart bass for minutes on end. It was like a Sun O record skipping. I think we always make sucky things sound better when we describe how we really feel about them.
	Yeah, that’s an insult to a Sunn O record skipping dude. So Andy dropped his rubiks cube so we had to go back and find a piece of it, then we bought groceries. Then we went back to my house and drank for like an hour and talked about all of the things we said in the review.
	My two memorable moments: Junkhead complaining for an hour non stop even during the show because he was cold, and Junkhead getting the cold shoulder from a girl with green hair because her boyfriend started poking her for attention.
	I was bored of whining at Andy so I tried to talk to someone else, but she thought I was a creeper even though I was just talking about my girlfriend’s hair most of the time. My favorite moment was talking about music with the guitarist from Cauldron and whining at Andy for an hour because I was cold.
	The whole night I give a 5/5, cause I would do it again in a heartbeat.
	Yeah, A+. Are we ever going to end this thing?
	That’s it. I guess.

Ay-Hole:

Coven 13: 2/5
Destructor: 4/5
Cauldron: 4/5 (because I still enjoyed their music to feel like I had a good time)
Satan: 1/5

Junkhead:

Coven 13: D
Destructor: B+
Cauldron: B-
Satan: F

October 11, 2016

DOES THE DEVIN TOWNSEND PROJECT TRANSCEND?

Ay-hole Andy ay-hole, General, reviews 0 Comments

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The Devin Townsend Project – Transcendence
While shoving loose change into coin wrappers, I put on the Devin Townsend Project’s new album, Transcendence. While I sort the change on my floor, I contemplate ideas such as life, death, and the possibility that one could make a business out of sorting money.

Townsend’s albums are very structured. First, a topic is selected and preferably a term from new age spirituality. Then, two chords are selected. These two chords are extrapolated into as many combinations as possible. All one of the combinations are played over and over again with a building symphonic orchestration in the background with shouting chorus. On occasion, a diminished harmony is used, such as a 7th chord.

In letting the screaming angels featured in semi-absolutism songs, such as “Truth,” and “Failure,” one is sent on a rigorous mental journey through simple philosophical concepts turned ambiguous. In “Higher,” one is taken up to the top of the spiritual spectrum, then told that there is a level higher, foregoing the previous conclusion. In “Stars,” one might think that Townsend might believe that the spiritual and physical worlds are in some way related, but one might also wonder how transcendence ties in to this.
The title track in question is only six seconds shy of six minutes long. It also features super alt rock style lyrics that go absolutely nowhere. The greatest line on the album or perhaps in all of Townsend’s repertoire is featured at the end of the track:
“Who transcends this?
I do
Do you transcend this?
Who transcends this?
I do
Do you transcend?”

This stuff is amorphous enough to not bother me. Townsend will say one thing, then two lines later say something entirely in contrast. This is the kind of psychobabble I can appreciate. However, the music is ultra-repetitive. One could drop a needle on 90% of the album and not know which track it is. This is a plus and a minus, of course, but after seven, eight, and nine minute songs, this entire album turns into background music of the most organized sort.

So, after questioning my ability to provide for myself, I am back where I started gathering bottles and cans to take to Kroger. They have the fastest bottle scanners. Transcendence is more of a lucid dream than a vision quest.

3/5

October 6, 2016

PAPER ROUTE SHOWS REAL EMOTION

Ay-hole Andy ay-hole, General, reviews 0 Comments

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ayholev1tmb Paper Route – Real Emotion

Paper Route has finally released their third album. A double LP, Real Emotion features an unasked for plethora of unattractively long songs. The average song length is about 3 and a half minutes, and 4 tracks are just short fillers.

This could be a bummer for some of us who were hoping they would turn up the bpm. The faster songs had more energy and sustenance to them, whereas the slower songs, especially the slow songs on Real Emotion, drag.

There is also a focus on vocal melodies. Nothing new but one might feel it distracts from melody writing, which is definitely a fascination for Chad Howat and friends.

“Mona Lisa” is a good dance tune that should be a single and “Second Place” is a good classic throwback early 2000’s synth-rock song but the short songs are short and sweet, except the intro. The intro is dumb, but do not blame the intro for being dumb. Intros are almost always dumb. “Love is Red” is great and is the longest of the short songs at two and a half minutes.

I want to take a paragraph to talk about “Zhivago.” “Dr. Zhivago” is a film from 1965 with an amazing soundtrack. I got it for 50c on the discount vinyl rack last week. “Zhivago” track 12 from Real Emotion is prefaced by “Lara,” which already interludes into the song with the entire melody. By the time one finishes “Lara,” two thoughts surface: “Ah, that was a short one,” and “The melody was kind of boring.” The listener is then bombarded by a faster and more electronic three minutes of the same melody with very very little exposition.

If almost a full hour of music was not enough, Real Emotion also features the last four singles, “Zhivago” being one. Apparently the band really liked the singles, but did not want to release them as an EP, even though they already are an EP band with more EP’s then you can count on one hand if you lost a finger in an electrical accident at a gig you played at in that ghetto “café.”

I first saw Paper Route¬¬ in 2012ish with Switchfoot. I did not enjoy Switchfoot as much, but that was because I had seen them half a dozen times and all they played at this show was their crappy newer songs that sell millions of records. I was pleasantly surprised by Paper Route who really were doing something different. Really, they started too early and haven’t progressed very much. They seem to be just catching up to the unpredictable and meandering pop music, which changes awkwardly and doubles back again. If Paper Route keeps it up and maybe releases more albums instead of singles then they might fall out of obscurity. They could go any direction, really.

3/5

October 4, 2016

LUSH CONCERT

Ay-hole Andy ay-hole, General, live, reviews 0 Comments

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In Limbo –
It was hot outside. The weather in September is always hot, usually after a cold front in late August to begin the color change. Wearing shorts and t-shirts, M and I were headed into the entrails of Detroit, to St Andrews Hall, a seed of hate and discourse for venue goers.
Assaulted by short and yelling black men waiving orange flags, cars will drive slowly with two tires in each lane and gaping maw. Upon turning into one parking lot with a large “$7 parking” sign after asking the attendant, “Is it seven today?” and the attendant replies, “Yes,” patrons will be disappointed to discover that parking is $10 and that the previous exchange was a “misunderstanding.”
I asked if I could cross the DMZ to get into the box office and the ten+ employees all looked at me. I left and came back on the other side of the riot gates to ask if I could go buy a ticket and one of them seemed to understand I wanted to give them my money. I had previously been informed that I only had one ticket because the venue rep brought an odd number to Stormy Records on record store day, a day I will from now until eternity be sure to take a vacation day for.
The lady at the ticket booth dropped my change on the ground and moved the trash can, computer, and shelving unit until she found all eight dollars. I was very glad I could save twelve-fifty by not buying from…
Dead Nation! lolmirite!!!

I just had to make it through an hour of standing around, wishing I would have spent $8 on a can of beer and that I had brought a fur coat since the A/C was blasting out of control. Who likes being frozen solid while being forced to stand in place for hours at a time? Apparently, St Andrews Hall attendees do and the conversation was typical. “I’ve been waiting 20 years to see these guys,” “I’ve been listening to these guys since before they broke up,” “I missed them last time they came through.” All of these statements were true for a change, though I expect this is becoming a more common experience since so many old bands seem to be getting back together. Perhaps a good retirement plan is releasing some albums under a pseudonym, having a dramatic breakup, then announcing a reunion tour decades later.
tamaryn
Tamaryn was up first. The early stuff is very shoegazy and great, but the performance was sort of cross-over synthwave dance music with super dominant guitar fuzz and an exceedingly loud kick drum and plunky bass. The set up to the drum track was Tamaryn on vox, a guitar guy who must have come from a Pacific Sunwear catalogue shoot, and a bass player. It was still good, but only the 2nd and 3rd songs were my fancy. The rest all had much less energy and were very redundant feeling. The best part of the performance was this black guy in underwear and a windbreaker that was twerking and gyrating all over the stage for several songs.
After Tamaryn, an army of stage crew came out and tore down for many moons. Then more crew came out to set up for Lush. Set up felt like it lasted about 45 minutes and they started playing at about 9:20.

thesetlist Here it was, after decades of waiting, watching insanely overpriced vinyl, listening intently to each note, watching rips of tapes and shows, all of us wanting so badly to be back in early 90’s UK; four musical talents with an average age of 49 were entertaining hundreds of blokes who refused to leave the past in the dust, dragging in tow significant others who do not quite detest whatever genre of music this is.
No songs went into the next. They were each divided by applause, silence, and usually a guitar swap. Sometimes there would be a guitar swap for one song, then a swap back for the next. Sometimes there was two guitars being swapped at the same time. Luckily for everyone involved, the swaps were all smooth and quick. It would have been nice for at least some of the energy of one song to bleed into the next.

anderson
All of the songs I wanted to hear were played and they were all glorious. “Light From a Dead Star” was the only song I had to hear or I would wreak the place, but hearing “For Love” and “Thoughtforms” was very pleasant. The new tracks off of the EP were much better than the EP itself. I gave the EP another listen to the next day and was equally disappointed with the recordings as last time. They turned out to be good live songs, though the only tracks played live were just one side of the ep.

After the main set, the main stage hand came out and tuned Anderson’s guitar. The no surprise encore featured three songs. Then the band left again, but there was suspicion of another encore. The suspicion was the stage hand bringing out a guitar and setting it on a stand. Also, King was standing around back stage. After minutes of crowd enthusiasm, Lush came back on for one last song.
Berenyi’s vocals were great. She only seemed to strain on one song. Anderson had no difficulties at all. Welch seemed to drop the beat a couple of times, but not enough for anyone to notice if they weren’t intimate with either live music or the recordings. King on bass was present and invisible.

I sat on this review for a couple of weeks, mostly because I was lazy, but also because I was nervous. I do not want my musical tastes to become dated, because to do so is to admit that music is changing and I am not changing fast enough. This band played music when I was in middle school. I did not know I enjoyed music until much later in life and I did not have a clue about the impressions it left on me until even later when really digging into shoegaze. No one is getting younger. Music continues to flow. Fusion entropies genres into the great homogenous white light. Soon, not only shoegazers, but also normies, junkies, and flunkies will all be listening to the same sin waves. But that’s what we were saying in 96.
Well, I was still eating my boogers.
5/5 duh

October 2, 2016

CANDLEBOX DISAPPEARING IN AIRPORTS EVERYWHERE

Ay-hole Andy ay-hole, General, reviews 0 Comments

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CANDLEBOX – DISAPPEARING IN AIRPORTS

Is Candlebox trying to cut into contemporary rock? Probably. Their newest album, Disappearing in Airports, came out in April and sounds like church and not the hip kind: The hipster kind. The light rock, Santana, and Country-Pop influences are applied as thick as fondant on prime time Food Network. The result is a laxative so powerful it will send the most hardened normy first to the splatter house then to the crumbiest record store in the basement of a bar to start a long lasting diet of hard tack black metal and noise core.

There are attempts at making this smoothy of food coloring more nutritious, such as straight lifting of entire chord arrangements, solos, and themes from early 2000’s radio friendly “alt” as heard on “The Bridge.” The majority of semi-interesting material seems to be completely contrived and vacuous of real intellectual merit drowned in a sea of aimless anti-depressant covered and un-passionate fake soccer mom love songs. For a band who takes the moniker “hard rock,” this album will help anyone having trouble on the john.

1/5

July 24, 2016

KILLERS, DUDES, JAPAN, AND THE

Ay-hole Andy ay-hole, General, live 0 Comments

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ayholev1tmb Friday night, Metro-Detroit’s only remaining punk band played their annual show. The night started off with an alternative drum and vocal feel. The Corpse Killers have really redefined their sound. The entire Fires in Japan act even jumped on stage to dance around the amplifier until the guitar screamed in.

The Corpse Killers seemed to be more about the music for the first half of the show. There was no banter between songs and they stood focused on their performance. About 15 songs in Bone Jackson started to do more dancing about 30 ft away from the mic and the rest of the band started to unleash. Good thing there was another 45 songs left because the second half was when the raillery started to fly and the sweat started to pour.

The Woahs, Ohs, and Babies were brash and numerous. Crowd favorites, such as “Jaws 2,” and band favorites, like “The Making of Jaws 2,” littered the set list. Notably absent were classics “Street Fighter 2010,” and “Kyle Reese.”

After the show, Reggie “The Reckless” Fright had to be helped to the bathroom to wash out the paint in his eyes. There are talks of a CD release party, maybe even before next year. 4/5

https://www.facebook.com/thecorpsekillers/

The next act made it apparent they were from Las Vegas, Nevada. Bitch’n’Dudes are a metalcore band with a slight touch of punk ska. Almost too much metalcore, almost too little ska, the sounds is very blended and almost comfortable or expected. An avid listener to punk ska might feel it does not qualify, while a listener of metalcore might be drunk at the bar already and unavailable for opinion.

The best song of the set was the song about weed. There was plenty of genre bending madness amidst the skanking and squealing. Although the front women is absolutely crucial to the act, one would have liked to hear more of the classic third wave goblin singing that the male vocalists lead with. 3/5

www.bitchndudes.com

Fires in Japan played a full set with a new guitarist. This was a momentous occasion because the band is almost on their 100th birthday and they finally rounded out the sound. A listener is assailed with visions of 2005 and picking up a date with emotional pop punk chords played on both the down and the up stroke. Fantastic background bar music. 3/5

http://firesinjapan.bandcamp.com/

The Feigers played excessively loud and I did not hear the set because I did not want to blow my ears out. Next time I’ll remember ear plugs. ?/5

http://thefiegers.bandcamp.com/

The Rockery venue has really improved their sound with some killer insulation. One could imagine it is from all of the noise complaints from one of my managers who lives around the block. Notable events from the evening were the drummer from Bitch’n’Dudes getting on someone’s shoulders to climb the tree in front of the bar, a d-bag who was observed in the audience after telling the doorman he just wanted to “throw this water bottle out,” without paying, the Abominable Duke Baron Von Joshenghoulie passing out from dehydration and fatigue on the pool table, and Dave W getting hit on by another guy.

https://www.facebook.com/rockerywyandotte/

5/5

July 21, 2016

CRASH DETROIT 2016: THE MIDDLE BANDS

Ay-hole Andy ay-hole, General, reviews 0 Comments

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On Saturday, M and I ventured into dangerous and racially segregated Corktown to hear the annual Crash Detroit street festival music… uh… festival. Bands from all over the US of A and perhaps even Canada temporarily relocate for 24-48 hours to play under or around tents and play obnoxious faux-jazz/rock street festival band music. There is not really a way to explain street festival except it is usually a horde of eccentric people who belong at band camp but were let out into the real world. There are drums, brass, battery powered and backpack amplified electric guitars, and an obsession with shock value. The event started at noon and went past nine but the attention today will be for the acts in the middle of the event, you know, the forgotten middle guys.
Often you will see men wear ghoul face paint and traditional marching band clothes, and women wear semi-bondage style either too tight or too loose “late night” clothing with fishnet stockings on their legs and arms. Rule of thumb for “dead” street festival band look: all clothing must have sleeves ripped off and sprinkled with gooey fake blood. Around five there was Dead Music Capitol Band, which, like most street festival bands, adorned themselves like specters of a terrible zombie horror movie from the 60’s. The band themselves were very well practiced and entertaining. They engaged in the popular run-into-the-audience-pretend-to-be-dead-then-slowly-rise-up-while-playing-unique-polyphonic-melodies, that’s RITAPTBDTSRUWPUPM for short. It probably has a cooler name, like, grave-jump. 3/5
In another tent we saw the next band in their official debut, Bitch, Thunder. They played two sets of quads, a bass, and two floors. They hit the drums. They were pretty okay. 3/5
We ran back to the first tent to hear another band. My Brightest Diamond and the percussion section of the Detroit Party Marching Band teamed up. They played a huge marching in intro and then this huge guy started killing the bell kit. I have never seen scales, skips, steps, tremolos, and doubles hit with such speed and accuracy for what felt like the entire six minute song. The most unfortunate part of this act was the front-women of My Brightest Diamond, who just wailed into a megaphone backed by four other women, each wailing into more megaphones to what M thought sounded like the TV theme for Thundercats. The set up was terrible. One megaphone is often employed in a street festival act since megaphones are the most effective way to shout directions or signal a new part of a song or dance, however, multiple women wailing what one would assume to be song lyrics into multiple megaphones is uncharted territory. It was horrible. Then, after the song ended, the huge guy kept on murdering the bell kit until the front women picked up an electric guitar plugged into a stationary grid-powered electric guitar amplifier, a very taboo move for street festival musicians who embody the concept of movement. She mentioned the song was about the “flint water crisis,” and “the killings.” She did not mention which killings she was most concerned about, but one can assume her worldview permitted her to incorporate all of them. The next song featured a perfectly innocent electric guitar getting unjustifiably desecrated while the only word fully distinguishable blared out in a deeply uncomplicated impossible to imitate melody. I think she said “Obama.” 2/5 only because of the bell kit guy.
Seizing some front row seats, we were unprepared for what was about to unfold. One band started up in this tubular march song and marched right through the tent over to the other one. Then, replaced like office supplies for bubble gum and video games, a slew of randomly dressed mostly old dudes and their grandchildren flooded in. The animal costumes are old hat, and dancers are understandable, but what is unacceptable is sheet music. Each and every musician had sheet music attached to their instruments and their quality of playing exposed this. What would have been cool was a theatrical play of some lady reading H.P. Lovecraft and being attacked by demons and a fat guy in skin tight leopard print spandex except it was played to the tune of Metallica’s “All Nightmare Long” without guitars and drum kit. Awful. 1/5
Fleeing to the next tent, we joined the already in progress Environmental Encroachment act, which, as far as I can tell, is a mash-up of other bands. Melodic percussion was a facet of this act. A waist worn marimba was frequently utilized but the real interesting instrument was a huge assembly of metal pipes with dozens of circular saw blades pounded into tone producing shapes and suspended for hitting with wooden mallets. The whole assembly was worn by a single individual who often used four mallets simultaneously to add an incredible depth to each melody. One of the songs had what felt like a three minute solo that I recorded on video and might link to on youtube. There was also a dude who would pull out this tiny trombone which was about the size of a regular trumpet. All of the musicians were very well practiced and they did perform a deserved grave-jump, which gave the other musicians some much needed rest while the saw blade guy buzzed the audience’s heads off. Somehow they recorded an album and that was bought after the show. 4/5
The last act of the so-called middle acts was the Jefferson Street Band. This band I had seen before and actually had their 2015 album. They played a lot of the same songs and a few new ones. This is actually a smaller band which only uses one of each instrument. The obvious leader is the snare drum player who is very showy with his important playing. At one point he had to help the bass player load up a battery and the song lost about 70% of its oomph, the technical term for snare and bass guitar in this instance. It would have been a better idea for one of the other drummers to help. The set was still good and they appeared professional all throughout. The black guy on the bari-sax is a crowd favorite. When he plays he looks like he is about to blow e’eryone’s birthday candles right off the cake. 4/5
The fairgrounds, being in front of Michigan Central Station, now with glass windows, were a lot more built up than the previous two years. A food truck parked in the street and Motor-city-brewing served drinks. There was a very small merch area and two separate tents for used instruments and a crafting area for children to make their own instruments out of cardboard, which they would immediately take to go play with and march around the actual bands. That could be the best part of this event, getting kids to listen and participate in real live music, even if it is obnoxious and escapes understanding. Crash Detroit is one of my personal favorite attractions in Detroit and I hope it continues to expose people to visual and aural anxiety for years to come. That is it for the middle bands.
Crash Detroit 2016 5/5

July 6, 2016

YOUNG AND OLD PROMISE EARTH TO KEEP IT REAL

Ay-hole Andy ay-hole, General, reviews 0 Comments

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Neil Young and Promise of the Real – Earth

Do you love classic rock? Do you love the earth? Do you love listening to bees suddenly buzzing in your ear? Do you want to hear Neil Young sing “GMO” auto-tuned? If you answered yes to any of these questions then Earth is the release for you. Ecological propaganda and synchronized animal sounds are richly dotting this two disc release. The smooth groove of Promise of the Real blends perfectly with the crows cawing artistically throughout the entire set.

This is a recording of live performances from last year, 2015. The majority of the instrumentation is excellent. Some of the guitar solos are odd and might be trying real hard to be dirty, that or Young was busy wrestling the guitar out of the hands of Promise’s frontman and son of Willie Nelson, Lukas. The result is some dirty guitar solos.

Most of the songs were selected for their message. Any tree-hugger will feel right at home listening to lyrics about sucking the oil out of the earth and the personification of nature as a feminine figure, if referring to concepts of energy as a mother are still socially acceptable. Most of the songs are rock songs, and Promise of the Real might be called Promise you won’t fall asleep until the ballad. Thank gaia Young’s voice is as warbley as the nearly extinct kirtland warbler and will keep you awake to hear the second disc.

Before we go any further, let us take a moment to reflect on the real messages here. Neil Young has been making music since he was 15 and probably earlier. He was popular over 50 years ago, already recognized as one of the most influential song writers of the era. This release contains many songs about a lost time. Neil Young may have felt his beloved Canada fading in the sixties as much as one might look at the time Young came from as the golden years of song writing and positive messages.

The truth is Young is one face in a crowd. In the sixties the majority of mainstream music sucked as much as it does now. The only real difference is any real artistic development risks being permanently lost in a sea of similar attempts struggling to stay afloat as the media machine churns the surface of the torrid black waters with bigger and bigger whirlpools. The momentum generated during the post WWII years floats larger and larger garbage heaps full of plastic-y waste aka top 40 million. Everyone makes music now. People who would have never touched a physical musical instrument pound old and used tunes until the curds of fetid death spurt out of a churn and right onto the billboard.

Young and Promise’s new release is very modern. It covers many current trends. Like our attempt at repopulating the kirtland warbler, who can decide if we should try to become a people who restlessly attempt to preserve the classics or pioneer forward until everything is used up? Tongue in cheek, Neil Young, his cow sounds, Promise of the Real, the honking of cars, the backup singers, and the repressive crows think “People Want to Hear About Love, ’cause it will make them feel alright.”

4/5

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