dialogue

November 19, 2016

DIALOGUE: STRYPER IN DETROIT 30 YEARS OF TO HELL WITH THE DEVIL

Ay-hole Andy ay-hole, dialogue, General, junkhead, live 0 Comments

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JUNKHEAD AND AY-HOLE GET THEIR STRYPES

	I’m just sitting here contemplating.
	I’m actually listening to Stryper now.
	I’m listening to Kenny Chesney.
	I’m breaking up with you.
	You need to broaden your musical tastes.

	Back in high school, I was super ironic, so the idea that Stryper was a Christian metal band was super funny to me, so I bought up all their albums on cassette because they were like a quarter.
	I remember all the old fogies in Church talking about Stryper. Their music videos would be on TV sometimes. On Turner Broadcast or whatever. I always thought that was weird, because it was over the air.
	They were never on TV when I watched, but after listening to To Hell With the Devil thirty times in my car, I decided their goodie two-shoes image was way more appealing than inverted crosses and such. Metal’s all about Satan and stuff, so someone singing about God is WAY more against the status quo than you’d think. Just like I did back in my giggly 9th grade year, I underestimated Stryper’s power going into the show earlier this week at St. Andrew’s Hall.
	I had some Christian metal tapes when I was younger, like White Cross. I actually thought Stryper sounded too old fashioned when I was younger. I liked that screamo metal crap. Now that I’m older I can appreciate how awesome older sounding stuff really is.
	That’s crazy, I didn’t know that.
	I will say that the 2015 Fallen album is very not old fashioned sounding, but they only played Yahweh at the concert.
	’80s metal was my thing, so Stryper wasn’t bad, but they definitely had too many ballads compared to Iron Maiden and stuff.
	One ballad is enough. It can get boring real fast.
	They played only two ballads I believe, and both were from To Hell With The Devil. They played the whole album to commemorate its thirtieth anniversary. Which sucked for them because that meant they opened with the title track, which was like ultra-premature ejaculation.
	All these anniversary tours are making me feel old. I anticipated the whole album, however.
	I mean, the album’s older than both of us I think.
	You keep thinking that, young punk. “Calling on you” is my junk. I almost cried, but my ears were bleeding the whole time. I didn’t look at the set list, so when they announced they were playing another set after the whole album, I was excited that they would play songs that were not cover songs.
	“Calling on You” has that cool Beatlesque pre-chorus. I was surprised that I remembered all the words to every song. For a long time, To Hell With the Devil was the only thing I listened to on my tape deck, and it all came pouring back out my mouth as I sang to every song.
	According to Sweet, this tour was the first time that “All of Me” was ever performed. Originally I thought “Honestly” was better, but that’s probably because it’s just more popular. It also has catchy pop psychology in it. But “All of Me” is shoot from the hip emotion.
	“All of Me” felt really cool. Like, it was honest and ballady? “The Way” is one of my favorites though. It definitely increased my head-banging tenfold.
	I danced hard to “More Than A Man.” Most of the crowd was still coming out of their shells, too. Also, I want to be more than a man and that song is pretty rockin.
	That song rules. The chorus is like five minutes long and everyone was all over it. They took a break after that and there was this buzzing noise that was super loud.
	At this point my ears started hurting. I was glad there was a break, but then they blasted Battle Hymn of the Republic and myself, being tall, got the full dose. There was also this dude behind me that was doing one of those father whistles where he sticks two fingers in his mouth, turns at my ear and blows louder than the music. I could hear it the entire show during the songs. I finally got behind him so he turns to the guy in front of me and just screams in his face. This guy was hyped out of his mind.
	Yeah I was okay. They played “Yahweh”, which got me psyched up so hard. I think it bothered everyone else. My head was practically hitting the ground I was rockin’ so hard, but it felt like everyone else wasn’t really interested.
	It wasn’t thirty years old, like the rest of the set. I was waiting for them to play “Shout at the Devil,” since the opening act mentioned that they were going to play a Motley Crew song.
	Did they? Oh yeah, the opening act was local. They played two songs I liked that Ay-Hole hated, then they played a bunch of songs I hated that Ay-Hole liked,
	Really? I thought they were from LA. They had an LA sound and looked like it.
	I checked their Facebook and they’ve just been hyping this show for two months.
	The bass player had no presence on stage, unless you count his awfully mixed bass. When he switched to the bedazzled version the music became instantly listenable. The guitar player’s main talent is noodling when not playing Rage Against the Machine.
	Singer looked and sounded like Jack Black doing a hair metal parody thing, but he was definitely entertaining. After the show I bought their album on vinyl for ten bucks, and he seemed very disenchanted with life. He didn’t have change.
	He was entertaining. He was screaming as hard as he could the whole show, so he was probably in pain afterwards.
	No way bro, that guy could scream for ages.
	That records great, btw. I’m upset I didn’t get one.
	Yeah, I thought you were going to. The first side’s pretty great, especially that grunge sounding song. “Turbo Slut” rules. We should review that bad boy next.
	Since they’re local, I can pick one up later. Also, the drummer plays with a sawed in half curtain rod that he just drops onto the drums from above his head.
	Hopefully our ten readers are local. I hope that dude sells more copies. One thing that was weird is how he kept throwing empty LP sleeves into the crowd. Anyway, Stryper. They played “Yahweh” and then they played some okay songs like “In God We Trust” and a bunch of covers.
	“Heaven and Hell” was okay, but only because it’s a good song. I was kinda bored by the covers.
	Yeah, I rocked out to “Heaven and Hell” because Dio’s my boy. I actually felt kind of sad afterwards because I never got to see Dio live, and when I finished and I realized I was staring at Stryper, it made me feel empty. Then they played a Motley Crue cover.
	I liked to hear their originals. I’m not a big cover fan, anyway. I’m not old enough.
	It was weird when Stryper followed up the three covers with an original and THEN played another cover. Michael Sweet made a joke that Van Halen was from Detroit and everyone in the crowd looked really confused the entire song.
	I didn’t get it. I still don’t.
	Like any old person joke, it just wasn’t funny. Although Sweet was killing it on the banter the rest of the show.
	I’m sure it was SoCal humor. It was just too complex for our dumb rust belt brains.
	He told like eighty jokes and seventy-nine of them were funny.
	A favorite of all was when he ridiculed those who waited “30 years” to see them.
	Funny stuff. They held off on playing the really, really awesome songs from my personal favorite, Soldiers Under Command until the end. “Soldiers Under Command” followed by “Makes Me Wanna Sing” was a metal cream dream.
	That was probably the highlight of the night. Out with a total explosion! Planned encores are dumb, though. I would have just played them back to back.
	Yeah, it was a long set in all honesty and the encore cheer was awful. The crowd needed a big finish though, and those two songs were it.
	It was a horrible cheer. Some people were saying “One more song” some were saying “Stryper” and others were speaking in tongues.
	That’s what you get for having a crowd where most are over fifty. That’s probably what made you feel old.
	I was really worn out after the show, too. It was very emotional. I kept thinking about how old they are and this could be my last chance to see them. All of the 16 year olds that were drug along with their parents is what made me feel old. They were super into it, however.
	No way. I was next to all of them and all they mustered was a polite head bob. I wanted everyone climbing the walls and giving Stryper their muthafuckin’ just desserts. I forgot, you were behind the kid who knew all the songs. There was an eighteen year old headbanger behind me who kept hitting me with his hair He ruled.
	You know that the only people who would climb up on stage were our age. This wasn’t the Portland riots, it was an 80’s metal concert. The people in the front probably got lost to get up there. They would probably need an escalator to get up onto the stage. I wonder what old band brings in the oldest mosh pit.
	I still don’t believe the Portland riots exist. That’s how uncultured I am. I’m just a junkhead.
	I like thinking that a Glenn Miller cover band in Florida attracts a bunch of old dudes with walkers to punch each other in the everglades while old grandmas smoke joints and dye their hair.
	The Everglades riots.
	Alligator fight dance I’d give Stryper a 5/5. They played excellent. My ears are still ringing, however. I thought about giving it a 4/5 because of how much pain I was in.
	I couldn’t tell you were enjoying it.
	I’m serious. I’ve been reading about earplugs all day.
	It wasn’t that loud for me. It probably was the most meaningful live show I’ve ever been to. Like my life really came full circle from that cassette tape to St. Andrew’s Hall. A. What about the opener? Androids Anonymous? What the fuck is their name?

	Artificial Agent. 3/5 with ear protection. And only again if the bass player uses the bedazzled bass.
	D+. Because they played five songs and I only liked the first two.
	Then we went home and smashed several helpings of salsa and listened to their smashing 2015 album.
	I forgot about the salsa! Ay-Hole brought over this salsa and I discovered that I had a jar of the exact same salsa in my fridge. It was crazy.
	So we ate all of it. Then Junkhead collapsed on the floor and couldn’t get up to flip the record.
	Yeah, I was pretty tuckered out.

Ay-hole’s rating:
Artificial Agent 3/5
Stryper 5/5

Junkhead’s rating:
Androids Anonymous D+
Stryper A

November 2, 2016

DIALOGUE MICRO-REQUEST-REVIEW SPECIAL!: Lidane Livering, Encyclopedia Frown, Randy and The RN’s

Ay-hole Andy ay-hole, dialogue, General, junkhead, reviews 0 Comments

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DIALOGUE MICRO-REQUEST-REVIEW SPECIAL!: Lidane Livering, Encyclopedia Frown, Randy and The RN’s

	We’re famous now! People request to be reviewed! Unfortunately, we’ve been slacking on this front for a while, but we’re finally going to sit down and check these out. The first one’s really old.
	Also, it technically came out last year, but we’re just throwing it in. It’s part of a, uhh… series, and the last one came out in February.
	Evidently this band’s really old. They made some stuff at the turn of the millennium and they’re back by popular demand.
	It’s basically a bunch of fuzz with random noise and vocal sampling for almost an hour.
	Some of the tracks have a beat. The last one’s kind of cool, but it’s just like an Atari 2600 song overtly distorted with some hand claps thrown in.
	I was going to say track 6 is a cool one. It held my interest surprisingly long, almost half of all 8 minutes of it. The first two are my least favorites, still.
	Track six sucks. Moving on, there’s some great post punk from some other band. Phantomwise! Actually, I don’t like this either.
	I liked it quite a bit. It took a while because the singer sounds like he’s having a hard time, but there are other bands with similar vocals but usually sound stupid. Also, apparently Manila is the greatest density of people living over an entire city or something.
	The last two tracks do this thing where the guitar plays the same melody as the vocals. That’s some Barney bullshit right there.
	Musing to self: For some reason, guitar backing the vocal melody is one of Junkhead’s greatest peeves, but if that is true, I haven’t been able to figure out why he likes power pop…
	Normally they play chords and the vocal melody is different. You don’t even listen to power pop.
	Shots fired!
	You’re like Yosemite Sam lookin’ at all those bullet holes in your hat. Anyway, a lot of early blues rock does that more than power pop. Other early metal that was still blues influenced did that too, like Black Sabbath’s first two albums.
	Yeah, the last two songs of Phantomwise have some cool melodies, but you are right, the verses suffer.
	The second track has like, no melody. It’s this slow boring dirge where the singer sounds like he’s falling asleep.
	I like it. It might be my favorite of the night.
	That’s crazy.
	It’s very immature sounding and almost retarded, qualities I enjoy thoroughly.
	This is probably the least passionate music I’ve listened to in a long time. Totally phoned in and trying to fit a style and so missing the mark.
	Like, it tries too hard, then?
	I mean, it would be trying too hard if it tried at all?
	Like, it tries?
	It doesn’t.
	No extra credit for Encyclopedia Frown. Go back to the cramped Pearl of the Orient!
	So I mean, what do you like about it? Since I’m burying these poor gentlemen who requested this review.
	I do like the dragging apathy and uncooked writings. Really. It’s not indifference, it’s disconcern.
	I have no idea what that means. So my favorite’s Randy and the RN’s!
	Second time this year on BlahBlahMusic.com I think I like this release a little better.
	I think the vocals are pushed too far up in the mix, it’s a little too obviously cheap digital stuff. But the songs are just as good, a lot more aggressive and fun.
	There is a large amount of digital distortion. The first time I listened I was almost too appalled to give it a chance, but the poppyness is very appetizing.
	The sounds also kind of all over the place, like almost all the songs were recorded with totally different setups. I really like “Waiting for the Summer”, slow, loud, and pure pop is always a great thing.
	Case in point, guitar backed vocals.
	I was waiting for that. But y’know, sometimes people are good enough songwriters that they don’t suck. I think Randy (if that’s his real name) has a really good knack for hooks. “Break Yer Heart” he just sings along with the guitar the whole time, but its amazing pop-punk.
	I think the melody itself has to be sing-songy, otherwise it will sound like a double scoop of turd. RANDY SPIKE knows how to clean up a melody and add some spicy and sincere rhymes.
	Yeah, Randy never sounds like a pretentious twerp. He’s like a rock ‘n’ roll Everyman. It’s also refreshing he knows how to get in, make a statement, and get out. “Suicidal Highway” is less than two minutes and covers more ground than most supposed pop auteurs could ever muster.
	I would love to hear a whole succinct album from him. I do not know if he ever stuck to one style in the past.
	Sounds like he just does whatever the hell he wants.
	That must be where the magic is. Definitely one of my favorite musicians out of New York.
	I’m going to invite him to the Blah Blah Music Christmas bash.
	I can’t wait to find out about that.
	We’ll request a three hour version of “Kombucha Kids”.
	That’s the song that sounds like he recorded it three years ago in the back of a van while driving up the Rocky Mountains.
	That’s actually very similar to the Christmas bash’s setting.
	In a van tumbling sideways down the Rocky Mountains.

Ay-Hole:

Forsaken by Lidane Livering: 2/5 because it was mildly entertaining. Maybe I’m not cultured enough for it…
Phantomwise by Encyclopedia Frown: 3/5 because I wouldn’t turn it off if it came on.
Wish You Were Weird by Randy and The RN’s: 4/5 because it represents a crisp finished project with all of its un-sanded edges confidently sticking out.

Junkhead:

Forsaken by Lidane Livering: I give it a C-. There should have been more beats.
Phantomwise by Encyclopedia Frown: F. My washing machine sounds more interesting.
Wish You Were Weird by Randy and The RN’s: B+! This guy has legit talent. If our blog was read by millions of people, millions of people would love him.

Bandcamps:
Forsaken by Lidane Livering

Phantomwise by Encyclopedia Frown

Wish You Were Weird by Randy and The RN’s

October 31, 2016

Satan/Cauldron – Small’s 10/27/16

Junkhead Josh ay-hole, dialogue, General, junkhead, live, reviews 1 Comment

Satan/Cauldron – Small’s 10/27/16

	Do you really think we can do it in an hour?
	A half hour. And yeah.
	That’s what I typed. But it didn’t come out
	So are you okay to?
	Okay.
	Alright. You can start it. Just talk about how you convinced me to go.
	The day before the concert, Junkhead and I and our significants were sitting somewhere when someone asked if we were going to the concert. I said, “J doesn’t want to go because he’s going to be tired tomorrow.” But after I repeated that it was only $16 bucks and C and M could hang together, Junkhead became suddenly excited.
	C said she’d pay for my ticket, so the prospect got infinitely more exciting. Honestly, the events leading to the show also turned me off: Ay-hole was really excited to show up early, but we were locked out because the bands were sound-checking. And it was cold.
	Every time I am late to a concert, the opening band ends up going on early and being the band I actually wanted to see. This time my luck worked against us and Junkhead was stuck in whine mode for at least an hour.
	We were the only people near the stage area for about that amount of time, so I whined my ass off. The first band didn’t help brighten the mood either, with Coven 13 blowing all over the place.
	Coven 13 started at 8:47 with their one song that featured a face melting solo, only the guitarist broke his string at the beginning of it.I was anticipating “Thor’s Twins” being the most exciting song, however, I was disappointed.
	That opening song sucked. The second one, “Ruler”, was really cool, but Andy hated it. “RULER/RULER/OF THE WASTELAND/RULER/RULER”.
	I can’t put my finger on it, but it felt lazy. I liked the third song, which is unpronoucable but sounded like a Castlevania song. Then every song sucked. The whole band was lazy.
	The singer in particular looked like he was bored of the audience, really.
	I’d give Coven 13 a 2/5, because I would probably avoid them at a show. Maybe they were just mad they weren’t going to be at Covenfest the next day. I’d be pretty sour about that, too.
	Ay-hole was really into the idea that Coven was playing another show called Covenfest the next day, but they’re wholly unrelated. The next band, Destructor, was crazy. The sound guy had to tell the vocalist/rhythm guitarist three times that he had to turn his amp down.
	From the second they began to play, I was unable to take any pictures because I could not stop headbanging and air guitaring. The lead guitarist, a guy they we met before we went in, had to jump in the car and speed back to Cleveland so he could be at work at 5:30 the next morning, so he made sure to wake us all up with his through the roof energy.
	He was really good at shredding. Definitely the best guitarist in the building that night.
	One could tell simply by the set list that Destructor is a good show. Too bad their album sucks. It might win worst recorded/best writing category for 2016.
	They played a whirlwind thrash set, three songs in a row with no stops followed by another three songs in a row. The first set was definitely better, with breakneck speeds and nothing else. After a little banter, they played some shitty power metal song that was saved by speed and shreds. I’d give them a B+.
	What are you going to give Coven 13?
	D. As an educator by trade, I have a lot of faith in the letter grade system.
	I’ll give Destructor a 4/5. I’ll have to get into their music more. Maybe next time their in town I’ll have a shirt and be part of the fan club or something.
	Like you said, their 2016 album sucked. Just a victim of terrible production. Strictly a live thing for me. Cauldron’s studio album, however, was something Ay-hole had to grab on vinyl.
	Well, the reason we went to this show, anyway, was so we could see Cauldron. I missed them when they were at the Tolken Lounge. First impression, the bass player/singer, Decay, seemed tired and indifferent.
	For real. The whole performance lacked enthusiasm, like he was sick or tired. Fans were excited for older tracks, but we were excited about newer ones.
	They did play “Empress” and “Burning at Both Ends,” which were pretty good and we were super hyped about that, but “No Return” sounded toilsome.
	There was a lot of toil for sure. “Miss You To Death” was the standout for me, although it’s the only thing in their repertoire that sounds like a straight AC/DC song.
	To be fair, my neck hurt after Destructor and “Burning at Both Ends,” and their was that annoying fat mosher in a Judas Priest shirt that was inches close to loosing vision in his eye due to my elbow, so I could have just been preocupied. But the later thrashy songs really held the attention of the crowd well.
	The skullet guitar dude was really cool after the show. We took the picture above with them, and then I started talking about his Angel Witch shirt. He was surprised I didn’t like the first album and liked the mid-80s ones, but seemed especially confused when I started talking about how cool Praying Mantis was.
	I complimented Decay’s Chain Reaction shirt, then Junkhead says to the guitarist, Chains, “You got a cool shirt, too. That album sucks.” And they became besties.
	Readers will always get stories in reverse when Blah Blah Music comes to town. So we went back to the stage area and started questioning whether we cared about the headliner, Satan.
	They took forever to set up. It seemed like there was more groupies helping than all the members of the bands history, which is saying something because I believe only the lead singer was remaining from the original line up.
	I mean, everyone was old except the lead guitarist, so I dunno. Evidently both guitarists were original members.
	I am corrected. I thought the lead guitarist was a lady. I’m still not sure. Interestingly enough, Satan was the oldest act on the stage that night, and Cauldron the youngest.
	Every band started in the ’80s except Cauldron. Coven 13 is the only band that had all of it’s original members. We’re avoiding talking about Satan’s music because they sucked so we left.
	It was terrible. I was hoping it was going to either get worse or better and it did indeed get worse. One song was some high pitch droning and low ostinato fart bass for minutes on end. It was like a Sun O record skipping. I think we always make sucky things sound better when we describe how we really feel about them.
	Yeah, that’s an insult to a Sunn O record skipping dude. So Andy dropped his rubiks cube so we had to go back and find a piece of it, then we bought groceries. Then we went back to my house and drank for like an hour and talked about all of the things we said in the review.
	My two memorable moments: Junkhead complaining for an hour non stop even during the show because he was cold, and Junkhead getting the cold shoulder from a girl with green hair because her boyfriend started poking her for attention.
	I was bored of whining at Andy so I tried to talk to someone else, but she thought I was a creeper even though I was just talking about my girlfriend’s hair most of the time. My favorite moment was talking about music with the guitarist from Cauldron and whining at Andy for an hour because I was cold.
	The whole night I give a 5/5, cause I would do it again in a heartbeat.
	Yeah, A+. Are we ever going to end this thing?
	That’s it. I guess.

Ay-Hole:

Coven 13: 2/5
Destructor: 4/5
Cauldron: 4/5 (because I still enjoyed their music to feel like I had a good time)
Satan: 1/5

Junkhead:

Coven 13: D
Destructor: B+
Cauldron: B-
Satan: F

June 22, 2016

2015 Round Up – 23 album review bonanza

Ay-hole Andy ay-hole, dialogue, General, junkhead, reviews, Round up 0 Comments

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2015 Round Up – Six Months Late

	Without a year like 2015, it’s probable that Blahblahmusic.com wouldn’t exist. Years had passed since Ay-hole and I were really on the pulse of popular music, the reason being that everything simply sucked. It wasn’t just music: movies, television, all media seemed to have fallen into a rut. Nothing was creative, and nothing captivated us. Countless nights, we sat around drinking beer, listening to thirty year old music and swearing we were born too late. But then 2015 hit like a truck full of bricks. It wasn’t until very late in the year that Ay-hole and I realized just what was going on. It started by playing a single album playing through his Ouya and spiraled out of control into a maelstrom of music sharing and discussion. Not long after, Ay-hole was determined to chronicle his listening travails here, and I gleefully followed suit. Six months too late, we’re going to look back on that fateful year that helped bring us into existence and see what made it so damn good.
	I’d like to take a moment to revisit one of those beer drinking, remorseful times as a poem we wrote during those dark times: My brain feels like it’s bleedin through me head When I watch the modern movies There’s nothing juicy to dissect When I watch the modern movies Why did they make this?Hollywood gets my money When I watch the modern movies The media force feeds my brain When I watch the modern movies You can replace movies with radio and Hollywood with that company that has C C as its initials.
	The C+C Music Factory?
	You wish
	Jeff Bridges – Sleeping Tapes
	First release of 2015: Jeff Bridges – Sleeping Tapes
	This could have been Hollywood ennui or artistic genius, but thankfully it was the latter. Sleeping Tapes is everything I love about experimental music: dark, brooding, mysterious, and hilarious. I feel like way too many people miss that last part, but Jeff definitely understands how to use humor to grip the listener in his found sound landscapes.
	I lost myself in the Temescal Canyon. I actually could smell the pine.
	John Carpenter – Lost Themes
	Next is the aforementioned album that lifted our eyes. I had made a habit of listening to the old dudes who were still making music and John Carpenter’s solo album, Lost Themes caught my ears and my attention.
	Yeah, he has a massive body of great work already. Escape From New York and Halloween 2 are synth treasure troves and probably did just as much for electronic music as any Kraftwerk album.
	My ego was selfishly pleased when Junkhead nearly jumped off the couch when I put it on.
	Yeah, I couldn’t believe it. It was instantly the only thing I wanted to hear in the universe. I bought it almost immediately.
	Litmus Green – More than Animals
	Now for something more pop: Litmus Green – More than Animals Pop is really not the best word to describe it. I am questioning that it is even more pop than Sleeping Tapes.
	It’s definitely the poppiest thing we’ve talked about I think. There’s barely any modern hardcore music, and when there is it’s all emo-influenced. Litmus Green just picked it up like nothing changed after a twenty year hiatus, hating everything not crustie/anarcho/whatever with a passion I can understand.
	It should be called “Litmus test – is the listener a sheeple or at least a little open minded”
	Too many sheeple totally overlooked it. They were all too busy listening to new shitty LGBT-themed hardcore punk that Pitchfork’s championing.
	Pitchfork just made it into the 2015 review. That should be enough to tell you the state of affairs we live in.
	Eclipse – Armageddonize
	If you ever want to get Junkhead’s adrenaline going, especially after a long day of rescuing sheeple from other sheeple, just say one word: Eclipse Armageddonize was brought up in countless conversations and Junkhead played it every time I went over for months.
	I think I did that with everybody. Talk about the best band in the world. This album was an enormous leap in developing their unique sound: the over-the-top AOR/hard rock/metal in-your-face slam. No human being can resist banging their head when any of its tracks come on. A lot of the time I’ll be rolling into work, thinking about how much the drudgery of routine bogs me down, but then I’ll just think of songs like “Wide Open” or “Stand on Your Feet” and I’ll be in my happy place. It’s a unique combination of sheer electric bite and positive, life-affirming melodies that make it so intoxicating. I’m guessing Eclipse will never really break out because they have a virtually non-existent touring schedule, but at least they can make the best studio material in the universe.
	Europe – War of Kings
	Europe was actually one of the bands I was looking forward to in 2015. They played a cool rock festival in Sweden over a decade earlier so I was excited to listen to War of Kings
	The title track has to be the best metal song of 2015.
	I enjoyed it. My most shocking experience with War of Kings was how no one around me bothered to listen to it. This really began my effort to forcefully educate people that real music was happening and they were oblivious to it. I can’t believe Tempest can still sing!
	Yeah, he’s honestly better now, I think. It’s the material. It’s all metal now, and he’s clearly a metal singer at heart.
	Elder – Lore
	Dude, I messed up the order. ELDER – LORE It’s not the best elder. My favorite Elder story, however, is when M was listening to a youtube auto playlist and listened to the entire Lore album without shutting it off. So, it has to be good.
	Yeah, it has a cool furniture doom sound to it. Like it’s really heavy wallpaper.
	The album art is really cool, too.
	Bubble Bones – In the Land of Zimandias
	One more time warp, turns out I forgot to sync my list with Junkhead’s. The FIRST cool album that I know of that came out in 2015 is Bubble Bones incredible album, In the Land of Zimandias.
	Sure that’s not 2014? https://bubblebones.bandcamp.com/album/in-the-land-of-zimandias-2014
	Whoops, that was their indie release. I had NO idea. Their label release was in January 2015 on nooirax. If I go by the real rules, it’s okay because as long as something big happens in the year we are talking about it’s good. As official release vs. Promotional, or reissue vs original. So, this counts, because Ay-hole is my name.
	Sorry Ay-hole, I only talk 2015 and onward. Everything else is nothing to me.
	So Bubble Bones gets ex-spelled because Junkhead doesn’t want to have to go and double check all of the reissues of 2015
	Moonspell – Extinct
	I first listened to Moonspell’s Extinct on youtube and I saw what I’m assuming to be the original NSFW album cover. It is really upsetting and I was watching it on my crumby netbook because I was putting linux on it and it could only do one thing at a time, so I had to turn the screen around just to enjoy the music because I’m a naive little boy
	Dead boobs don’t bother me. I loved Moonspell back in high school and decided to check it out. It’s probably their best album, mixing pop, goth, and metal to reach new, more accessible heights. Moonspell’s gone down some pretty oddball paths over the past twenty years, but it’s nice to know they can turn out some great poppy crunch. My favorite’s either the surf-rocky “Medusalem” or the wholesale Sisters of Mercy rip-off “The Last of Us”
	Michael Schenker – Spirit on a Mission
	Junkhead has a lot of man-crushes. One of the more powerful ones is Michael Schenker. I think he sleeps under a poster of him.
	He’s got a lot of power, that’s for sure. He’s one of those mid-range guys who actually injects a ton of melody into every solo he drops. Schenker hasn’t really turned out a great rockin’ album since 1984, but Spirit on a Mission returns to that UFO and MSG sound: concise songs, tight riffs, and searing vocals.
	Candidate for lamest album cover of 2015.
	Yeah, books by their cover yadda-yadda. It’s 80 million times better than this year’s UFO album or most sexagenarian man crushes.
	Neuroticfish – A Sign of Life
	In 1999, Neuroticfish released No Instruments, a fantastic futurepop album. Then, they released it two more times, and again two more times with different songs. But in 2015, they released A Sign of Life. Still good, not as good as No Instruments.
	I like Gelb more.
	I would probably still buy A Sign of Life if it was available on vinyl.
	A Sign of Life doesn’t really have any great songs, but it has a phenomenal atmosphere. It’s more of futurepop’s last gasp than anything else, but it’s a good hearty one.
	Teenage Bottlerocket – Tales from Wyoming
	Teenage Bottlerocket does not sound like punk to me.
	I guess their drummer died last year after this came out? It’s sad, they’ve been making cool music and touring non-stop for a long time.
	That’s tragic. Accidents destroy bands. I mean, they destroy lives… Of course, now I’m referring to all death as an accident, when it’s actually inevitable.
	But yeah, I think the power pop guy in me like’s this one. It’s totally more of the same, but they’re so good at their little pop-punk niche.
	Power pop it is.
	Ghost Bath – Moonlover
	As we are about to talk about Ghost Bath – Moonlover, let me remind you that it is the summer solstice tonight and a full moon.
	Every mix CD I’ve made this year has the second track off this one on it. It takes up 9 minutes, but it’s so damn good.
	Also, I’ve tested this theory, and you can play Ghost Bath in the background during any other experience. It fits. The ultimate bar music. I can hear all of the kiddos talking about their finals, their hotty girlfriend, the new episode of Naruto, while this plays in the background.
	Yeah, they don’t let the math rock/post-hardcore noodling get in the way of their black metal intensity, but you barely notice. It’s great music for making out, eating, walking the dog.
	I read one review that said it was subliminally positive metal.
	Bosse-de-Nage – All Fours
	Another fantastic background album, only, a little more aggressive sounding. There are a lot of emotions flying around on this album.
	Bosse-de-Nage is everything I love about Slint and Shellac mashed up with everything great about Darkthrone. It’s definitely emotional, but it’s not foofy at all. This is supposed to be in the blackgaze category too, but you still feel like the band has a soul outside of atmospheric wankery.
	Peste Noire – La Chaise-Dyable
	Speaking of atmosphere, PESTE NOIRE – LA CHAISE-DYABLE I don’t know how to pronounce it but I listened to it a ton.
	Yeah, the title track onward is perfect. Searing electric ballads of a diseased rural French guy.
	The first half is good because one will be listening trying to figure out what is going on when more stuff happens and the listener still is trying to figure out what just happened. I could see myself in an experimental band that tries to do the same thing, just a lot less artistically. I guess I’m not French enough, though I could go for 30 hour work weeks.
	Yeah, there’s nothing quite like it. Keep in mind this guy’s been honing his experimental black metal folk junk for fifteen years on some farm somewhere. He’s probably just fucking nuts.
	I hope the album cover is his kitchen.
	It has to be. Album art of 2015? Michael Schenker loses to some crazy diseased French guy for sure.
	Definitely better than the generic skull art featured on many of the 2015 releases.
	Faith No More – Sol Invictus
	Faith No More released Sol Invictus in 2015. First thoughts, not as bad as I remembered Faith No More. They were made famous when they covered “Easy like Sunday morning,” and “Warpigs.”
	Faith No More was the junk back in the day along with most things Mike Patton. I skipped it last year because I don’t care about either anymore. What’s it sound like?
	Like more interesting agro butt rock. I think they’ve adapted new sounds pretty well. I was never really a fan of them in the 90’s, but I was listening to other boy bands.
	Fantomas was great until I realized they were a total Naked City rip-off. I liked Patton’s band Tomahawk, too. Their gimmick was that they were the Jesus Lizard with Mike Patton in it.
	Reno Bo – Lessons from a Shooting Star
	Reno Bo – Lessons from a Shooting Star Amusingly addicting Like sugary ice cream but with better flavors
	Shooting Star is the best power pop album in a long time. The sugary sweet stuff is the best. No one was expecting this to be so awesome. Too much power pop spends a lot of time looking back, but Reno Bo does a good job looking for new paths in a dead and buried style.
	Jono – Silence
	It’s totally Queen on steroids! “Wasting Time” is the song I want to play whenever I walk in the room.
	I usually hate this kind of sub-avant-garde emo pop. But this is good stuff. Nice mix, good writing, and very interesting melodies.
	I’d probably throw it in the melodic prog category, but that works too. They have a strong grasp of what makes melodic rock and progressive stuff, so well that it never feels like a “revival” album.
	Iskra – Ruins
	Iskra, the crust punk band that everyone considers black metal. I really enjoyed listening to Ruins. I am very excited about socio-political music that is not just media friendly bologna.
	Yeah, I don’t care how many crappy anarcho-quotes you throw in your liner notes, tremolo guitars/blast beats/shrieky chick vocals=black metal baby. Ay-Hole, my girlfriend and I are pretty good at reproducing the sound a capella.
	C: BAH BAH BAH BAH BAAAAAH A: (blast beat) What did you do again?
	I did the tremolo guitars playing some evil sounding riff.
	Daniel Romano – If I’ve Only One Time Askin’
	Pop country is a dirty word, but this recalls a time when the term had something akin to a soul.
	I’m just waiting to talk about
	Seal – 7
	I do not think anyone listened to this.
	I didn’t, although I had a Seal kick back in 2014. That’s totally why I missed it.
	I did. It was just as boring as expected.
	If only Haddaway had an album last year. Totally would have given that a chance. And that’s totally all I have to say about that.
	I have been actually waiting to talk about…
	Stryper – Fallen
	Who’s hotter, Micheal or Robert Sweet?
	Michael for sure. He’s in Boston now, so he’s automatically a sex machine. The three throwaway ballads aside, this is some awesome metal.
	Robert definitely knows how to sport the flairs and even with his open shirt I can rarely tell him apart from a woman. I regularly enjoy screaming “YAH-WEH!”
	Huge production, great song. “Yaweh” is a six minute epic that feels like the love of Jesus is going to crush the shit out of you. The title track rips too. The verse and chorus don’t really blend, but I think it’s the jarring screams of “FALLLLEN” that make the whole thing.
	Also, best Black Sabbath cover of 2015.
	Yeah, for real. I was listening to my vinyl copy of this last week and I realized the ending track, “King of Kings” is a virtual re-write of the Sabbath cover in terms of the first verses lyrical content. “Do you believe in Jesus?/He’s good/But your friends don’t like him/And you’re a sheeple dingus”
	Whoo. I’m getting hot. We should move on. And what better transition than to…
	Powers from Hell – Devil’s Whorehouse
	Powers from Hell – Devil’s Whorehouse, with album art featuring a naked and tattooed nun. EXCELLENT mixing. The sound that is.
	The grimy old school thrashy black metal sound is great, and Devil’s Whorehouse kicks it out hard. If I were a nun, this music probably would inspire me to get naked tattooed.
	It most likely happened like this: “Yea, we had an old Panasonic camcorder in the basement and set it up to practice. The cut came out so good we just sent the video to the producer and he made a CD out of it. We never got any studio time.”
	Studio time isn’t very black metal. Iskra is probably closer to Beyonce than Devil’s Whorehouse when you think about production values. Powers From Hell needs to make more more more.
	I’m telling you, man. The Call of the Winter Moon. But the real coup-de-grace of 2015, possibly the album that made us wet our pants for future releases:
	Baroness – Purple
	I cried when I first listened to it, probably.
	I dunno if I’m even capable of gushing over this album anymore. I did it back in my review of the live show.
	You did memorize all of the lyrics, then listened to the entire discography and learned most of those songs, too. If anyone has not heard the Purple album yet, and not Whitesnake’s 2015 release, listen to Baroness ASAP.
	I knew the Blue and Yellow and Green from before, but those kind of sucked. Purple’s so perfect, it’s like a totally new band.
	An example of fortitude. Now that a new day has dawned, we will listen, we will research lightly, we will consider with great prerogative to absorb and implement modern music back into our previously malnourished diet full of old punk and never popular rock and roll bands.
	Hell yeah. Keep it very light on the research. I didn’t even know Transilvanian was how they spelled it in Scandinavia. I thought it was like a punk rawk way to spell it.
	I still deny Transilvania is a real place.
	Transilvania is like my black metal/punk rawk happy place. Where dude’s chill in vans in the foresty mountains somewhere with naked tattooed nuns and churn out good music.
	Honerable unmentionables : Purity Ring Nightwish Godspeed You! Black Emperor Blur Whitesnake, only because they also released the Purple Album Lifehouse Third Eye Blind Public Enemy Ratatat Lamb of God (the hard rockin one) Six Feet Under Dear Hunter Wand Strange Wilds Buckethead (he releases like, thirty albums a minute and maybe 5% of those are good, so right on)

June 8, 2016

DIALOGUE: WYTCH HAZEL IS A PRELUDE TO WHAT?

Ay-hole Andy ay-hole, dialogue, General, junkhead, reviews 0 Comments

wytchhazelrecord
WYTCH HAZEL – A PRELUDE TO WHAT?

	I was listening to Wytch Hazel at lunch one day. I was really sick and I wrote something along the lines of “real decent guitar sound, okay music.” The next day I picked up where I left off and I had gotten a good rest in. I was absolutely blown away. Convinced of my mistake I listened to the first half again and after could not stop thinking about it. I immediately ordered the vinyl, which took almost a full month to get here because the “street date” or something bogus. Totally worth the wait. My excitement rubbed off on Junkhead and he encouraged me to play it to him over the phone when I got it. I am slightly upset I did not splurge on the white vinyl.
	Yeah, I was skeptical at first. Wytch Hazel sounds like a foofy folky name, but thankfully they’re only like that for two tracks on the album. Otherwise, it closely resembles the NWOBHM, which is my favorite genre of anything ever.
	You could not get over the name of the album. “Prelude to what?”
	It’s an awful name. There’s a track called “Prelude” on the album and everything, but that’s not even a prelude to anything. Every other song on the album has a better title. I complained about it for over fifteen minutes.
	I think we can assume it is a prelude to the next track.
	Why would I assume that? You’re going to name an album after a track that’s sole function is to segue into a good song? Not only that, “Prelude” is the worst song on the album.
	It is a really long prelude. The theme probably repeats ten times.
	A lot of metal bands make that mistake when they come up with some instrumental. Even if their normal songs are relatively complex, the vocal-less tracks wind up being super dumb.
	Also, it feels like it’s going to go into a killer doom metal song, but it stays mellow. I bet when the play it live they just shorten it to 2 minutes instead of 4:17
	They probably stretch it out to 41:70. Or 42:10, whatever.
	“We only have 46 minutes of material, and all of our songs bleed into each other, so we’re going to play prelude for 45 minutes to fit the bill.” On that note, I do like “Psalm.” The guitar work is really pleasing to me.
	Yeah, let’s get off the negative. While I’m not too fond of the two folky tracks, they definitely break up the rockers in a way that I can appreciate. It’s hard to make a great album that’s always cranked up and kickin’ ass, so it’s good Wytch Hazel slowed it down. “Dark Ages” is the other one and I really dig the chorus on that one. “We live in the Dark Ages” times ten is my kind of chorus.
	Would you say it’s something every metalhead can agree on?
	The chorus or the folky bits breaking up the action?
	The chorus. I can’t imagine many agreeing on the break up.
	I mean, there’s doom-and-gloom in most extreme music. Metal fans are more into that then singing about hugging your grandma or romance or something. Like, if you want to hear somebody complaining about chicks or something, listen to pop music.
	It is important to consider the premise of this band when discussing their music. NWOBHM from 600 years ago.
	NWOBHM lyrics did complain about chicks a lot, but it’s more because it’s a covertly poppy genre. There’s a lot of melody infused in it.
	The bands eponymous track title is the best track on the album. I think it is about trying to succeed on your own then turning back to a higher authority’s wisdom.
	I think it’s about having the tastiest melodies on the album. The guitars and vocals trade off perfectly, and the Thin Lizzy-ish guitar breakdown at the 2:30 mark is phenomenal.
	It is the catchiest melody.
	But yeah, there’s a heavy Christian vibe running through the album really. There’s also a lot of battles and a lot of pronouns. “I” and “He” are all over the place, so I can see the whole relationship with God thing spread all over.
	I feel like I Christian lyrics do not scare away as many listeners as we might think. Music listeners can be open minded and most people do not let lyrics deter them from an album, but these lyrics are really strong and visionary. I can not think of any corny lines, which I usually associate with Christian lyrics. Also, the lyrics tell an overarching epic. The music hints at this with the second track, “Fight,” and the last track, “We will be strong,” both start off with a snare drum march and lead into a power metal type ballad.
	I mean, it’s corny in a metal way. There’s still a lot of battles and stone towers laying about, but the Christian thing doesn’t come across as ham-fisted as on a Stryper album or something.
	“Oh no! The skies around are falling, Oh no! The seas begin to roll Oh no! Take me from the picture Oh no! Before it takes my soul”
	I don’t really consider either a power ballad, they just rock the fuck out. Most of the album does that. It rips starting from the opener which sets most of the tone: 600-year-old NWOBHM.
	Rock out is a better term. Not like it’s symphonic or anything. The instrumentation is as bare as my forehead.
	Yeah, I’m glad they don’t throw in fiddles or something. I figured they would eventually but they didn’t. They don’t lose sight of the slick tuneful hard rock sound.
	I wonder if that’s how the MC’s introduce them. “NWOBHM from 600 years ago without gimmicky folk instruments.” “If you like the Grateful Dead…” Did you just fall off the your chair laughing?
	“…and Diamond Head, you’ll love Wytch Hazel” I wonder if they’ll go further down the Jethro Tull route and start making album long songs and stuff. For some reason I think Wytch Hazel could pull it off.
	“Truth,” an earlier recording is pretty good, but the development is clear, Wytch Hazel has a crystallized concept.
	Yeah, they’re definitely the kind of band that’s not going to stick around and just repeat themselves over and over, which I think’s a good thing. “More Than Conquerors” and “Fight” and everything are all awesome, but I doubt they’d be good if the band re-wrote them over and over.
	“Fight” is an older song, one of two songs rerecorded for this album. I hope they don’t turn out like Shonen Knife playing Twist Barbie on every album; replace Twist Barbie with the track “Wytch Hazel.”
	Yeah, it’s interesting that Wytch Hazel leaves you thinking more about where they’re going than where they’re at now. Maybe it’s just a….PRELELUDDDEE of things to come?
	“Wytch Hazel’s earth shattering 2017 release, featuring a monumental cover, ‘Twist Barbie.'” I’d buy it.
	Even if this album had a cover of “Twist Barbie”, it’d still be in my current top five for the year.

Ayhole 5/5
Junkhead B+

https://badomenrecords.bandcamp.com/album/prelude

April 19, 2016

DIALOGUE: JOHN CARPENTER’S LOST THEMES II IS GOOD, BUT GOOD ENOUGH TO FLIP?

drybanana1016 ay-hole, dialogue, General, junkhead, reviews 0 Comments

John Carpenter Lost Themes II

	Windows Movie Maker used to be good. It’s terrible now. I use iSkysoft movie editor or something.
	Could I get an older Windows movie Maker?
	I don’t think so, what Windows does he have?
	Windows 7. When can you do the dialogue?
	Now.
	Okay, lemme get ready.
	Hold on, I gotta do something.
	I’m just going to sit here then.
	Alright, I’m ready.
	So, featured above is the standard issue Lost Themes II “die-cut jacket with printed inner sleeve.” There is a bonus track available for download and on the CD release. It’s called “Real Xeno” and is a rockin march.
	Alright, let’s start this.
	You there, Josh?
	You go ahead.
	The introduction of the album is excellent, almost a four minute build
	So that’s how we’re starting it? We should be like…we’ve been waiting months.
	I dunno. I already started with the bonus track.
	Or talk about your Record Store Day experience getting it.
	There I was, after work. I was like, “where is the record store day stuff?” And the man behind the counter pointed straight down at the cardboard box in front of me. “That’s what’s left.”
	And the only thing in there was John Carpenter’s Lost Themes II.
	That and one thousand copies of “Cavern of Anti-Matter.”
	What is that? If I made an album of rubber band noises I’d probably call it that.
	It was a 12″ clear vinyl in a clear plastic bag. It looked a lot like wall art from Pier One.
	I’m glad you got Lost Themes II. Ay-hole had me come over the next day and listen to the whole thing. Then we had a bonfire and burned all his mail.
	Honestly, the real reason I went to record store day was to get the Lush box set. I was lucky to nab Lost Themes II as well. It did officially come out on Friday, the day before, but I apparently get a bonus download track, which I assume comes with every purchase. I was super excited to listen to it, really. The whole album, that is.
	I thought it would be better than Lost Themes I. The sample tracks online were really rockin’, so I figured the whole album would have a new vibe.
	It is slightly more rocky at times and most of the tracks seem to be more divided than the first. There are lots of little themes.
	A lot of the tracks are broken up into different little bits. Most borrow liberally from John Carpenter’s large body of work, but there’s definitely some fresh variations on the old motifs. One thing that I sort of liked about the album was how the first and second side had different feels.
	If by “different feels,” you mean, the second side was a remix of last years album and Escape From New York, yes. I think the second side had one track that stood out, other than the guitar solo on “Dark Blues,” and that stand out track would be the final track, “Utopian Facade.”
	Well, the first side has a lot of rockers. The synth bubbles in “Distant Dream”, “Angels Asylum”, and “Windy Death” have all the pounding snares and stoic guitar work. Side two is a little more bland. “Bela Lugosi” has to be the most vanilla synthscape ever made.
	That is the most adequate description. I think I’ve spent 15-30 minutes thinking about that track alone, trying to describe it. I think it’s quite an accomplishment, when you put it that way. Perhaps he intended the second half to be more experimental. Let’s talk about the rockin first half some more. “White Pulse” is the bee’s knees. It has this repetitive synth pulse melody and some excellently mixed background strings. For exploratory music, this one can be used in almost any atmosphere, and short of two minutes in we have an post industrial breakdown.
	It sets the tone for the whole first side. Songs are broken up into multiple movements, fluctuating from slow and brooding to mid-tempo and pounding. “Angel’s Asylum” has got to be the single though. It’s not far off from a slick electroclash except for the awesome acoustic guitar breakdown at the end.
	It is one of the two available tracks on bandcamp. It does just about everything right. It’d make a good clubbin’ song, if it was acceptable to put real music on at the club. Actually, I think now I have a new touchtones favorite. I wonder what Cody and Daniel Davies influenced.
	Cody probably plays guitar. Cody’s a guitarist name. Daniel probably wrote “Bela Lugosi”. That sounds like a Daniel thing to do.
	I was not aware Daniel and John had such an intimate relationship. Apparently, John thinks of him as his godson.
	It’s best to do that when you share creative endeavors. I like to think of you as my son, Ay-hole.
	And I think of you as my distant father from a washed up rock band.
	Or a washed up film career.
	What do you think of the bonus track?
	I felt like it was left off the LP with good reason. The pieces don’t really mesh, and it doesn’t really start cooking until the third section.
	… which ends approximately immediately.
	Yeah, I don’t get why that was thrown in. Two and a half minutes of random leftovers.
	I still think the whole album is better than most, but the difference in quality between the first and second sides seems like too great a chasm to cross.
	The crossing isn’t so bad. The second side clicks occasionally, but the whole collective goes into cruise control. It felt like Lost Themes 17, where they totally run out of any new ideas. If Lost Themes II is already half hackneyed, I hope they end it on the next one.
	Maybe Daniel will make an entire concept album, John and Cody will steal it and an crazy chase scene will ensue.
	Maybe that’s already what’s happening. The kids are capitalizing off daddy’s big name with all their Escape from New York copies.
	John is in a wheelchair, locked in a room with nothing except a catheter and a food tube. In an effort to break free, he uses his own excrement as a corrosive and melts the hinges off the door. Crazy chase scene ensues.
	I’m guessing John Carpenter’s vegetarian. I wonder how much tofu and spinach you’d have to eat for your poop to corrode solid steel. Or titanium.
	Vegetarian poop is brutal. The smell alone could gas a WWI trench.
	So the real question is, are you going to buy the Lost Themes II remix LP.
	I’m guessing it will come out for Halloween, like the last one. Probably not, unless there’s some cool demos. The first Lost Themes was better on the whole.
	Yeah, at least between the two of us, we have one and a half good albums.
	Between the two of us, like you do not want that comment to appear in the dialogue, or the first half of LTII is good, so our combined LT interest is only the one and one half?
	Definitely the latter. That bonfire was pretty sweet though.
	It was. We burned all of my mail. Polica is playing tonight, probably right now, at the Blind Pig. I’d go if Mothxr wasn’t.
	I wish I could afford to go to that John Carpenter concert. I mean, I could, but then I couldn’t buy dozens of records better than LTII.
	Too bad I didn’t get a free ticket with my purchase. It would have been awesome. Wrapping it up, there are a variety of flavors to purchase the first side of Lost Theme II. You can find them for half the price of a brick and mortar store at http://www.sacredbonesrecords.com/